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[Guest Post] Death to Funnel Hawks

by The Cranky Sales Engineer on July 2, 2009

in Guest Posts, Sales

The Cranky Sales Engineer swears that the next marketing person who flies into town and plunks himself down in the CSE’s cube and asks, “So what deals are you working on with my product?” will be boiled in his own bullshit.

The CSE does not need a marketing funnel hawk.  Funnel hawks, for those who don’t know, are a parasitic form of marketing dweeb who think that they can maintain a funnel report by badgering the sales force.  The sales force avoids talking to these people for the same reason they don’t reply to spam, because any communication will cause a sudden and annoying increase in valueless communication.

Compare this approach to another marketing person who has a 100% handle on the funnel.  When this person learned about a deal I was working on, she hooked me up with a dynamite piece of training collateral that taught the customer how to use the product while highlighting all the features.  The CSE keeps this marketing person apprised of all deals in hopes of getting help in closing the deals.

(BTW.  Do not confuse funnel hawk activity with the CPM’s gathering of pricing information by talking to the sales force.  I can’t imagine who would fire a PM for such an activity, but that person needs to try a new line of work.  Perhaps something involving a squeegee and a dirty rag.)

Do not become a funnel hawk.  If you want to know what’s happening in the field, provide useful help to your sales team and you will be welcomed with open arms.  Random calls asking  “How’s that deal coming?” will not make you anyone’s friend.  Instead, become a sales partner, and you will get all the info you want.

Oh…alcohol helps as well.

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Defending the CPM’s Fictional Name

by The Cranky Product Manager on July 1, 2009

in Blog Business, The PM Profession

You “regular” people will probably never understand this, but it is TOUGH TOUGH TOUGH being a fictional product management celebrity. (Please, cry for me, Argentina.)

For one, the paparazzi never leave you alone.

Second, you never get any ”real-world” Web-2.0 cred – even at a time when everyone else is vomiting  ”social media brand-building” all over their resumes.  Well, guess who has more social media cred than 95% of you?  THE CRANKY PRODUCT MANAGER, THAT’S WHO.  But does the Cranky PM get to brag about such things on her “real world” resume, and maybe angle for a better paying job (or at least keep the one she has)?   HELL NO. In this respect, the CPM’s “real world” resume looks like a 60-year-old grandma’s (see note 1).

Third drawback?  Well, every now and then, an attention-whoring, self-promoting, link-baiting JACKASS has the AUDACITY to call you FICTIONAL! 

GAH!  How DARE he? That JACKASS!

But then the CPM is like, “Well, DUH, of COURSE I’m fictional!” 

But CRIPES it ticks her off, especially when he further posits that the CPM is a project of a commercial firm, written by someone who is familiar with product management but never had the role, and that the author is just making shit up in her posts. 

So the CPM debated the issue with herself: 

CHOICE #1: Bitch about it on Twitter for 60 seconds and then move on.  Reasons for:

  1. Attempting to “prove” the CPM’s legitimacy might compromise her real-world identity.
  2. What this Jackass wants – DESPERATELY, more than ANYTHING — is for the Cranky PM to send her 5000+ regular readers to his site. all so the Jackass can attempt to convince them to buy training from HIM.  (not gonna happen…)
  3. Tom Grant already defended the Cranky Product Manager’s honor on her behalf.  Why beat a dead horse?

CHOICE #2:  Defend self & take The Jackass to task. Reasons for:

  1. The Cranky Product Manager rarely backs away from a fight, especially when her FAMILY NAME is besmirched so scandalously.  She has the scars from many a middle-school scuffle to prove it.  
  2. The Cranky Product Manager is extremely flawed, prideful, and dumb. Emphasis on dumb.

Hmm…. Well, Choice #1 seems to be the most rational, thoughtful choice.  But the CPM has been dealing all day with a whining toddler who has apparently forgotten everything about using the potty.  She is on her last nerve and therefore she unwisely picks Choice #2.

SO, FOR THE RECORD, the following is THE TRUTH:

  1. The Cranky Product Manager is written by an INDIVIDUAL, with occasional guest posters and the help of a “Cranky Sales Engineer” friend.  All guest posts are clearly labeled.  The Cranky Product Manager is NOT the project of a commercial firm or product management organization.  The Cranky PM only WISHES she was actually paid to blog or had regular help to keep this schtick up.  (Hear that, Pragmatic /Sequent /ZigZag /Pivotal /Enthiosys /PDMA /280 Group /Rally /AIPMM /Blackbot - and yes, you, Aass University?   BUY ME!  The CPM will gladly entertain any reasonable offer. She is a capitalist, after all.)
  2. As is abundantly apparent to every reader EXCEPT The Jackass, the Cranky Product Manager’s author is a REAL product manager at and has been for <insert number between 5 and 15> years at <insert number greater than two> software vendors and online services.
  3. Regarding the story The Jackass claims “didn’t happen,” and thus cites as “proof” that the CPM is not a real product manager….well, SORRY, Jackass, but it DID happen. Not to the Cranky Product Manager personally, as is the case with 75% of the stories in this blog (seriously, the CPM would have a seriously sucky real-world life if all this crap really happened to one person), but to a <former/current> co-worker who is indeed a product manager.

The Jackass claims any PM would be fired if s/he called sales people to develop a product forecast.  OK… well, maybe if the product manager was enslaved at one of those dreary companies with which The Jackass is familiar, where the primary (sole?) function of the so-called Product Manager is ”keeper of the tick-list.”  The Cranky Product Manager can’t comment on that type of company because she has never — and would never – work at a place with such an profoundly limited view of the product management role; her jobs have always had more of a “Product Leader” (both tactical and strategic), “Voice of the Market,” and ”Buck Stops Here” emphasis.

But even at that dismal type of company, the PM would NOT be fired if the CEO ordered her to call individual sales reps to build a forecast.  Seriously, Jackass, did you even READ the post

The Cranky Product Manager has to say, she is really dismayed by The Jackass’s small-minded view of product management, especially given his own history in the PM trenches.  Thank Cheezus she never worked for or with him. Keeper of the Tick-list! GAH!  The CPM thought we left that  limited definition behind over 10 years ago. 

That The Jackass is out there proselytizing this outmoded view… well it makes the CPM sad. Very sad. Because he might be undoing the good work others (including the PM training firms that The Jackass disparages) have done educate senior executives and to show how the product management role can operate at its finest.  And, frankly, it’s an insult to PMs everywhere for him to present the 5% of the job that is the most boring and trivial as the whole picture of the product management profession. 

But, gentle readers, it might surprise you that the Cranky PM agrees with the Jackass on one main point:  if  the PM function reports into you, if you think product management’s main job is maintaining the tick-list, and if you simply cannot be convinced otherwise, well then the Cranky Product Manager URGES you to do what the Jackass recommends.  Automate away the PM role with some kind of feature voting tool. 

Why? Because the CPM does not want to WASTE HER TIME applying for your so-called “product management” job.  She’d rather focus her energy on companies that want someone to research customer problems, to be the voice of the MARKET (and not just current customers), to develop visions and road maps for the product’s future, to develop business cases and product strategies, to shepherd new products from concept to reality, and to properly position products and successfully launch them.  And she will then KICK YOUR PRODUCT’S ASS since you ignored all those activities, concentrating on “feature votes” from current customers instead of focusing on the MARKET problems and solutions that land the customers you don’t yet have, and thus providing the only real avenue for growth.

‘Nuff said.  Now excuse the Cranky Product Manager while she gets back to getting a fictional pedicure while sipping a fictional margarita on a fictional tropical beach.

(Oh, and thanks to Tom Grant for chivalrously defending the Cranky Product Manager’s honor.)

————-

Note 1: For those of you who suggest that the Cranky PM’s real world author establish her own independent social media presence…. well, she tried that.  Let’s just say it is the road to madness and to getting caught. If you are a highly distractible and semi-careless individual like the Cranky PM, you will — without a doubt — tweet/email/blog/update from the wrong account.  Trust her. She’s done it, a few times.  How the Cranky Product Manager’s true identity continues to remain a secret is a miracle.

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I blame the the Product Manager

by The Cranky Sales Engineer on June 28, 2009

in The PM Profession

The Cranky Sales Engineer has botched his Facebook username and is doomed to live with the error forever as there is no delete, no backspace, no rename, and no access to customer support.

He blames product marketing. What kind of idiot creates a product that assumes 100% accuracy from its users?

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Happy Birthday to Me

by The Cranky Product Manager on June 15, 2009

in Marketing, The PM Profession

OK, everyone. The Cranky Product Manager wants you all to get up and sing. SING, DAMMIT, SING. Because the Cranky Product Manager is now officially THREE years old.

OK, three years old plus 4 days. The CPM is a little bit late with her own birthday - this blog was born on June 11, 2006.

3 years and 130 posts later, the Cranky Product Manager is still here. And still anonymous, despite having a (now defunct) cyberstalker and her committing countless careless gaffes. Hard to believe!

In honor of this momentous occasion, the Cranky PM is going to refer you to some of her favorite oldie-but-goodie posts.

Here’s the post that started it all (June 11, 2006): Who is the Cranky Product Manager?

Here’s the first post that got a lot of attention and a lot of readers (August 1, 2006) : Streetwalkers In Disguise

And here’s a bunch of other stuff that the Cranky Product Manager enjoyed writing (even if you did not enjoy reading it) over the last three years:

On the Traditional Whining of Product Managers:

On Product Development:

On Agile / Scrum:

On hiring and getting a PM job:

On Sales & Marketing:

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How Product Marketers Are Like Bad Real Estate Agents

by The Cranky Product Manager on June 12, 2009

in The PM Profession

OK, true confessions. The Cranky Product Management is a bit of a real estate whore. While she is missing the part of the X chromosome that likes shopping for shoes and wearing sassy little dresses, when it comes to gawking at beautiful homes and all the fantabulous things in them, the Cranky Product Manager is a total fangirl. 

Yep, the Cranky PM constantly daydreams about upgrading her digs. And when she goes away for the weekend, she is prone to fantasizing about buying a vacation home or even just flat-out relocating… leaving behind the Silicon Valley rat race and all that. 

Anway, recently the Cranky Product Manager was in a coffee shop in a GORGEOUS California locale and started craving real estate again.  She picked up the local copy of the ubiquitous Homes and Land magazine, and started skimming the listings.

But flipping through the pages, the CPM quickly got frustrated and irritated and “GAH!!!! Those IDIOTS!”  And then the CPM remembered that she ALWAYS get irritated whenever she looks at offline real estate advertisements.

Here’s some examples of her frustration, from the Homes & Land for San Mateo County, which covers a huge area between San Francisco and Palo Alto, including the coast (Half Moon Bay, Pacifica). Click on the thumbnails below to see the ad copy. And FYI, none of these ads contained a URL with more info.

No location. Wow. Looks like a great place, but WHERE THE HELL IS IT? The ad even touts the awesome location and its convenience to both San Fran and the South Bay. BUT WHERE THE HELL IS IT? There are no clues on the entire page.
Where the heck is Crestview? OK, maybe this is slightly better. A location, “Crestview”, is mentioned. But, again, WHERE THE HELL IS IT? You can’t find Crestview on a map, and unless you lived there you would not know the esoteric name of this neighborhood.
No price & no location. Double Trouble here. No town mentioned (guess you’re supposed to intuitively know which Laurel Street this ad refers to) AND no price listed. Why even bother looking at this ad? NEXT.
How many bedrooms and baths? Yeah, the location is mentioned! But how many bedrooms and baths does this place have? No way we’re going to make the CrankyGrandma and the CrankyKid share a room!

Seriously, what is it with real estate agents and the idiotic way so many of them advertise?  They seem completely out of touch with the way that people buy homes.  There are a few ”screening questions” that EVERY home buyer wants to know about a home before putting forth special effort to see (or further research) that home:

1) WHERE is the home?   At minimum: what town is it in?  Better: what town and area of town is it in? Best: what’s its address, so Google Maps can tell me if it is near everything important to my family: workplace, schools, activities,…?  (Keep in mind that many people are unfamiliar with the “neighborhood names” that Real Estate agents use, including the neighborhood’s residents.  Thus, the town name should ALWAYS be included.)

2) Is the home big enough for my family?  How many bedrooms and baths? How many square feet?

3) What’s the asking price? Yes, we all understand the price is negotiable.  But give the reader a clue as to whether he/she can even come close to affording the home.

When the Cranky PM sees ads that neglect to include this information, she gets irritated. And she knows she is not the only one. In general, buyers do NOT want to waste their time calling you, talking to you, and visiting you if you do not meet their minimum screening criteria.  You’ll just piss them off if you try to force it.

Preschools Too

Real estate pros are not the only ones who seem to have no clue as to what’s important to potential buyers.  The Cranky PM has been searching for preschools for the Cranky Kid and stumbled across this gem of a website: http://www.losgatospreschool.com/ 

Gee, what a spiffy website with animation, groovy music, photos of attractive Caucasian children, and everything. Yipee.  But with the exception of the school’s location, the website fails to provide answers to the basic screening questions that EVERY parent needs to know  when looking for preschools.

1) Does my child qualify?  What ages are the kids? What’s the birthday cut-off?  Do the kids need to be fully potty trained?

2) Is the preschool located near my home or work?

3) Does it fit with my work schedule?  Is the pre-school program full-time or part-time?  Does it go year-round? What hours does it operate?  Does it require parents help onsite during the weekdays (not good for working couples)?  What holidays does it take off?

4) Can I afford it?  What’s the tuition? 

Why, oh why, can’t anyone just simply answer the Cranky Product Manager’s initial screening questions?  Why even bother paying for an ad or a web presence if you are unwilling to tell the potential buyer what he/she needs to know up front?

So what does this have to do with product marketing?

(Aside: Note that in this section, the Cranky Product Manager uses “we” and “our” to refer to the universe of product marketers.  But make no mistake, she means “YOU,” since the Cranky PM is infallible and never ever effs up. Ever. Ask her husband. He knows. Or ought to.)

In many ways, technology products are no different than preschools or real estate. 

Our potential buyers visit our websites, they attend our events, they read our magazine ads, they flip through our brochures.  But about 75% of the time they are left not knowing what THE HELL our products actually do, never mind the answers to their basic screening questions.  We make it so damn hard on them. 

Why does this happen?  Because too often, we product marketers and product managers:

0) Don’t know who the buyers actually are.  Maybe we should try developing some buyer personas or do some research about the purchasing decision.  How about that?

1) Have NO CLUE about buyers’ initial screening questions.  Granted, the questions are often not as obvious for tech products as they are for homes or preschool - but not always.  Sometimes we product managers/marketers are just over-educated about our products and technology.  Like the real estate agent who forgets that no one knows where “Crestview Park” is, we forget that many potential buyers don’t know our industry jargon. And though the benefits of each feature seems obvious to the PM, we forget that potential buyers don’t get it.  We forget that the superiority of our base technology is almost never one of their core buying criteria.

2) DELIBERATELY don’t answer the questions, in hope that a particularly stupid customer might be duped into buying something that doesn’t meet his screening criteria.  This is also officially called “Being a Spineless Weasel”.  It really pisses the CPM off and is the reason why the Internet is full of meaningless, watered-down descriptions of companies and products.  In the end, this makes prospects mad, generates crappy and unqualified leads, and wastes the time of sales people.  All cuz you’re a spineless f-word who is too chicken-s*#@ to honestly admit you DON’T do something.

3) Are too lazy to truly answer the questions.  Instead of finding out what the screening questions of potential buyers are and answering them clearly, we too often stick to the - duh! - stupid and obvious.  (“Our product lifecycle management system helps you manage the lifecyle of your products”).  Or we think we’re speaking to the buyer’s problem if we stick a trite phrase like “increases ROI”, “improves efficiency”, or “adds value” to our descriptions.  But these are just unbelievable claims unless there is a readily apparent premise.  

(An example from IBM:Content Management - Activate content with processes. Add value and transform your business” — uh, ok, you can UTTERLY TRANSFORM my business by letting me “activate content” - REALLY?)

Do something about it

We need to do a better job.  Sometimes the Cranky Product Manager finds herself utterly ashamed for the Entire Profession when she reads the marketing crap she finds on them Internets.

Please, please. Help her do something about it.

Develop some buyer personas. Instead of assuming you know your target buyers’ screening questions, try asking some people in your target market who AREN’T customers.  Find people via trade shows, LinkedIn, online forums, your friends, your family, Twitter, whatev. Ask lots.  The criteria is often not as complicated as you think.  Once you get the questions, clearly and honestly answer them. Especially on your website. 

Stop making it so hard for your customers to figure out what you do.

It’s not easy, but who said product marketing was? 

And now the Cranky Product Manager will resume her regularly scheduled real estate gawking.

In the comments, please share your tips for locating new potential buyers and finding out their initial screening questions!!!

=======

Note 1: OK, you’re going to tell the Cranky PM that these magazines are not actually designed to sell the houses advertised; their purpose is to sell the AGENT.  Fair enough. But the Cranky PM thinks that such ads makes the agents look like out-of-touch morons, and are thus spectacularly ineffective.

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The Enlightened Stupid Marketer (a marvelous video)

by The Cranky Product Manager on June 3, 2009

in Marketing

Thanks to Midlakewinter for the link to this very-funny-but-in-an-uncomfortable-kind-of-way video, entitled the Enlightened Stupid Marketer.

It’s especially uncomfortable if you play it for your marketing weenie husband… in response to his declaring that product functionality is irrelevant to product success.  And as a crabby-ass beeyotch and an extremely insecure individual, the Cranky Product Manager took this wrong-headed statement as a personal attack on her career choice.  So, she decided to poke him where it hurts, the extremely mature individual that she is.

WATCH THAT VIDEO, MARKETING WEENIE HUSBAND.  WATCH!

Enjoy!

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If a PR / Marcom Weenie Wrote This Blog

by The Cranky Product Manager on June 2, 2009

in Marketing

If a PR / Marcom Weenie Wrote This Blog, here’s what the About page would look like:

About The Cranky Product Manager

Founded in 2006, The Cranky Product Manager (aka CPM) is a leading provider of world-class, robust, scalable, and market leading content platform that helps product professionals unlock value and position themselves for success in the marketplace, while realizing a high return on investment. Built on a next-generation, Web 2.0-based and AJAX-enabled platform, the Cranky Product Manager takes a three-pronged approach to content delivery utilizing social media and has thousands of users at leading Fortune 500 companies, including Microsoft, Apple, Oracle, SAP, Google, Yahoo, and the US Government.

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Is There Anything as Predictable as a Sales Droid?

by The Cranky Product Manager on May 19, 2009

in Sales

For years, the Cranky Product Manager has been dealing with all those whiny Sales Droids. 

You know, those people who moan all the time about how Sales is The. Hardest. Job. Ever., as they yap on their bluetooths while driving around in their Porche 911s?   You know, those dudes/dudettes who always win deals because of their mad persistence, unequaled interpersonal aptitude, and their wicked awesome sales skills? Yet when they lose it’s always the fault of the product or the price?  

Yep.  Those Droids.  You know who the CPM is talkin’ about.

Anyway, the Droids have been bitching for YEARS to the Cranky Product Manager about the price of her product.  “It’s way too expensive.”,  “I can’t sell it at that price,”  “The competition is priced so much lower we can’t compete,” “We need to drop the price by at least 20%,”  blah, blah, blah. 

All that time the Cranky Product Manager resisted dropping the price.  Yes, her product was priced higher than the competition, but it offered way more value.  Plus, being a wicked big geek, the Cranky PM created this elaborate pricing model spreadsheet based on shitloads of historical pricing and sales data .  It showed price was relatively inelastic. 

Well, fast forward to 2009.  The economy is in the shit and the Droids all miss their numbers by a mile.  Their screaming about the “too high” price reaches 120 decibels.  Loud enough that it catches the attention of The Man, AKA The Quasi-Playboy, AKA The Dirty Semi-Old (50-65 years old) Man Who is Always Scanning the Marketing Events Planning Staff for New Blond Mistresses.  AKA  The CEO.

So, the CEO calls the Cranky Product Manager into his office.  After complimenting her hair and the way her jeans fit, asking her if she is still happily married, and trying to give her a George-W-style shoulder rub,  The Big Boss tells her to drop the price to the one the Droids are begging for. 

The Cranky Product Manager sez, “No Effing Way,  Mr. CEO (and I mean that in the most respectful way).  Behold my awesome spreadsheet!  Dropping the price will NOT lead to more units sold and will make the product unprofitable.”

“You look hot when you’re angry,” sez the CEO, “But we’re still dropping the price.  I want you to create a new forecast based on the new price.  Not your lovely theoretical spreadsheet.  Instead, do it bottoms-up and go ask each sales rep how much he’ll sell at the new price.  Oh, and let me know when you tire of that husband of yours.”

And so the Cranky PM announces the price cut to the field. She then asks each rep, one at  a time, how much product he/she was committing to sell based on the new price.

And SHOCK OF ALL SHOCKS, the Droids sandbag it.  Apparently, even with a 25% price cut they can only sell about 3% more units than the numbers they had signed up for just 3 weeks earlier. 

Guess price wasn’t the issue after all.  WHO COULD HAVE GUESSED THAT WOULD HAPPEN?   Oh wait, I know this one…. Yep.  The CRANKY PRODUCT MANAGER guessed it!

AS EXPECTED, the New and Improved bitching and moaning from the Droids began immediately .  “The price is too low”,  “You just made it 25% harder to make my number!“, “With a price like that, people will think we offer less capability than the competition”, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.  Will. It. Never. End.

Even the 2-year-old CrankyKid changes his mind less often.  And even the CrankyDog can remember past events  better than Sales Droids. 

There are two things you can always count on at DysfunctoSoft: 1) The Droids will never like the price, and 2) The CEO will always skeeve you out.

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Return of the Product Management Haiku (now with extra fun)

by The Cranky Product Manager on April 23, 2009

in The PM Profession

Remember this?  The Product Management Haikus (originally inspired by Pivotal PM)?

The Cranky PM is inspired to once again dust off her quill pen and write some more poetry.  Poetry that no one but you folks would possibly understand.

If you are similarly inspired, post your own haiku in the comments!  If yours makes the Cranky Product Manager laugh so much that she can be heard three cubicle rows away, she might send you a Cranky Product Manager mug. (ooo laaa laaa).

———-

Agile home building:
Slap up one room’s walls, paint them.
Add stylish decor.

Skip the foundation
Because its blueprint can’t fit
On a sticky note.

Can’t do roof, plumbing,
Or power, ‘cuz  they need the
Whole house spec’d out first.

——–

Marketing weenie,
Please don’t add “Web 2.0″
To my product’s name.

———

Mister CEO,
Sorry, “everyone” is not
A market segment.

———

CEO replaced
My well researched pricing plan
With crap pulled from thin air

———

Sorry boss, I have
No time to tweet, blog and Facebook,
Plus do my real job.

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The Cranky Product Manager bitchslaps the Cranky Marketer

by The Cranky Product Manager on April 15, 2009

in Marketing

OK, so the Cranky Product Manager has been a big lazy pants lately.  No posts for over 10 days and then relying on guest posts for the past few weeks.  What can she say?  She’s drowning under a pile of work, dealing with her frakin’ taxes (which were WICKED complicated this year), and adjusting to being a de facto single parent (very glad that Darling Husband has a new job, but its hours are long - the kid only sees him for only about 30 minutes total during the week).

Ok, so sorry. Really. Mea Culpa. OK, sue me, why don’t you?

Anyway, the CPM still doesn’t have time to write a riveting post.  But she does want to tell a certain cranky guest poster where he can put his whiney rants.

To the Cranky Marketer (part 1 and part 2):

Oh, boo effing hoo.  Poor you.  Really, how OUTRAGEOUS for people at your company to expect you and your fellow MARKETERS to actually know something about MARKETS and customers.

Yes, blame your lack of basic knowledge of market segments and customers on the product managers — that’s the ticket!  Blame everyone else at the company because you  are consumed with tactical activities and don’t ever get to strategic activities.  SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN AND A HALF.

Seriously, WTF?   Part one is one of the whiniest posts ever.  You’re in Marketing, genius.  If there is one position that EVERYONE would agree should know something about the market, IT’S MARKETING.  And if there is one role in the company that has latitude to think and act strategically, IT’S MARKETING.

You think Sales or Engineering do?

Do you think Product Management is any more isolated than Marketing from the crushing backlog of tactical activities?

No way, dude.  The Cranky Product Manager’s to-do list typically has 100+ activities on it, 95% of which are tactical. And BOY, is it tempting to skip those 5% strategic activities that help the Cranky Product Manager learn about the customer, identify new market needs, and keep on top of new market trends and what competitors are doing. But somehow, like ALL decent product managers, the Cranky Product Manager manages to carve out the time for the strategic.  Even though she really doesn’t have the time.  Yes, it means tactical balls are dropping all over the place. And that she gets bitched at and whatever by Marketing Weenies who want to collect their salaries while having someone else (namely, the Cranky PM) do their work.  But despite all that, the MOST IMPORTANT STUFF - the strategic stuff - gets done.

Marketing Weenie, maybe you could try a similar approach?  CARVE OUT THE TIME for the strategic.  Stop whining and just make it happen. Suck it up.  Do you own job, and stop expecting the Cranky Product Manager to spoon feed you market knowledge. Go get some of your own. Stop blaming others.  NO MORE EXCUSES.  Be a BUCK-STOPPER, not a buck passer….  You get the point. (Well, maybe not - you do seem like the kind of Marketing guy who needs things phrased 40 different ways before you get it.)

Oh, and does telling you this make the Cranky Product Manager an “arrogant asshole who does nothing but look down on Marketing”???  Perhaps, although usually the Cranky Product Manager is called an inveterate bitch or a c-word, not an asshole.   But anyway, IF YOU DID YOUR DAMN JOB SHE WOULDN’T LOOK DOWN ON YOU.  In fact, she’d fall down on her knees and thank Sweet Cheezus Christ for sending her a Marketing Weenie who wasn’t preoccupied with colors, website fonts and product names (should this one be the “Express Edition” , the “Personal Edition” or the “Web 2.0 Clusterfuck Edition”???) and instead actually offered some STRATEGIC insight.

Oh and, for the record, the Cranky Product Manager thinks the Cranky Marketer is pretty atypical.  She doesn’t know any other marketers who (overtly, anyway) blame their lack of market knowledge on product management.  Even the weeniest and whiniest of Marketing Weenies typically see it as their own responsibility to actively acquire market knowledge and not just be passive recipients.

—–

OK, the Cranky Product Manager has to get back to work.  She’ll take on the frakin’ Cranky Sales Engineer and Cranky Engineer later.

Also in The Cranky Marketer Goes Off

  1. Guest Post: The Cranky Marketer Goes Off (Part 1)
  2. Guest Post: The Cranky Marketer Goes Off - Part Deux
  3. The Cranky Product Manager bitchslaps the Cranky Marketer
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