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From the monthly archives:

November 2007

Product Management Haiku

by The Cranky Product Manager on November 21, 2007

in The PM Profession

Inspired by the fine, upstanding folks at Pivotal Product Management, here are some enthralling and inspirational haiku the Cranky PM whipped together.

Join in the fun!  Submit your own haiku in the comments.

Gartner, Forrester,
How the CPM hates you.
Damn Magic Quadrant.

Product Marketing:
They tell product lies all day
But they don’t know it.

Only Bad PMs
Don’t install or even use
The products they own.

Their bogus excuse:
"Technically impossible,"
Code Boyz and Girlz claim.

Darling Customer.
We shipped you crap. I’m sorry.
Please abuse me now.

Top-down, bottom-up…
How to do product planning?
We always debate.

Supported products.
An integration nightmare.
Zillions of versions.

Upgrade now or else
We’ll de-support the release
Your business uses.

Sales Droid always blames
Lost deals on missing features.
Wins are due to him.

Short beta programs:
For publicity only,
Not for finding bugs.

Trade shows are useless
Tools for generating leads.
They just want free pens.

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

Plugs Ahoy

by The Cranky Product Manager on November 16, 2007

in Reviews & Plugs

No bitchiness here today.  The Cranky Product Manager finally got a good night’s sleep.  At last, after many months, CrankyKid 1.0 slept through the night. And there was much rejoicing.

Anyway, in lieu of a tirade against some marketing nimrod or self-important code boy, today the Cranky Product Manager is going to plug the following sites:

First,  the new PM Jobs email list. This email alias for Product Management and Product Marketing job postings only launched two weeks ago. But wow! They have a ton of listings already. Over 115 job postings and 800 list members.  Membership and posting are free. Since perusing the listings of several sexy-sounding jobs, the Cranky PM’s perpetually wandering eye has mutated into fervent new job lust. Check it out at http://finance.groups.yahoo.com/group/pm_jobs/.

Second, It’s that time of year.  Take Pragmatic Marketing’s Annual Product Management and Marketing Survey before November 21. The CPM cannot WAIT until the results are published.  She’ll use them to demand her boss give her a monster raise.

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

Marketing Geniuses & Marketing Fads

November 12, 2007
Read the full article →

Marketing Geniuses & Marketing Fads

November 12, 2007

Of course.  Of COURSE DysfunctoSoft pursued this bonehead ground-breaking marketing "strategy".  Hey, without this type of inspired marketing , why there might not be a "Dysfuncto" in DysfunctoSoft.
What, you ask, is the Cranky Product Manager bitching about this time?
Well, about a year ago DysfunctoSoft's Marketing VP, who thinks of himself as a visionary, read an [...]

Read the full article →

Marketing Geniuses & Marketing Fads

November 12, 2007

Of course.  Of COURSE DysfunctoSoft pursued this bonehead ground-breaking marketing "strategy".  Hey, without this type of inspired marketing , why there might not be a "Dysfuncto" in DysfunctoSoft.
What, you ask, is the Cranky Product Manager bitching about this time?
Well, about a year ago DysfunctoSoft's Marketing VP, who thinks of himself as a visionary, read an [...]

Read the full article →