Inspired by the fine, upstanding folks at Pivotal Product Management, here are some enthralling and inspirational haiku the Cranky PM whipped together.
Join in the fun! Submit your own haiku in the comments.
Gartner, Forrester,
How the CPM hates you.
Damn Magic Quadrant.
Product Marketing:
They tell product lies all day
But they don’t know it.
Only Bad PMs
Don’t install or even use
The products they own.
Their bogus excuse:
"Technically impossible,"
Code Boyz and Girlz claim.
Darling Customer.
We shipped you crap. I’m sorry.
Please abuse me now.
Top-down, bottom-up…
How to do product planning?
We always debate.
Supported products.
An integration nightmare.
Zillions of versions.
Upgrade now or else
We’ll de-support the release
Your business uses.
Sales Droid always blames
Lost deals on missing features.
Wins are due to him.
Short beta programs:
For publicity only,
Not for finding bugs.
Trade shows are useless
Tools for generating leads.
They just want free pens.
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
Kevin, poor Kevin.
No loss is ever your fault.
The world’s worst sales man.
I wish I knew the
Cranky Product Manager,
a friend in blog life.
Great stuff…some of these really hit home.
Inspired, I’ve put up a haiku posting myself.
http://onproductmanagement.wordpress.com/2007/11/23/more-haiku-madness/
Saeed
The CPM can’t stop herself. More haikus…
Stupid beta build
Always crashes the machine
During big demo
Why no Product Book?
Afraid Customer Service
Will ask to see it?
I have a client
who can not afford to pay
but they’re strategic
We got more coders
To get to market faster.
That was the theory…
The Executives
have absolutely no clue
what our products do.
.Net, PHP,
the language of the coders.
I prefer English.
A visionary
builds products for the future
but with no market.
I remember you
Didn’t you used to be a
product manager?
I love you, CPM. Thank you for bringing this blog to life.
Thanks for the post, CrankyPM, and the great Haiku contributions of your readers. We love your blog!
- Linda & Mara at PivotalPM
Coder turned PM
Second thoughts, is it too late?
How I miss sandals…
Engineers should not
ever give product demos
users fall asleep
Awesome. Let me try one:
Product Manager:
Engineers, executives
Ignore market facts
Ask them what they need?
Why would a PM do that?
Build what they should want.
Process, what process?
Database comes first
Then bolt UI on
Customers don’t know
What they want, so we tell them
Everyone is happy
CEO sets goal
We struggle to make it there
Whose fault is failure?
One does not listen
One does not communicate
What a perfect team!
Oh Cranky, you are
My heroine. But not my
Go-to drug, Caffeine.
Hear that gentle sound,
oh PM-sister?
It is your spec flushing
Just ran across this today. Made me laugh more than a little bit – http://bit.ly/bL4WzS @crankypm
RT @sgisasi: Just ran across this today. Made me laugh more than a little bit – http://bit.ly/bL4WzS @crankypm