Product management, product marketing, and the ugly side of software product development.
From the category archives:
Yep, being super duper trendy and all, the Cranky Product Manager is now on Pinterest.
Yeah! More ways to waste time that she doesn't have!
Check out all her favorite product management related cartoons, etc.
http://pinterest.com/crankypm/cranky-product-manager-humor/
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Please be informed that the Cranky Product Manager is not dead, not stuck under something heavy, and has not (yet) given up the fine art of blogging.
Her recent absence can be explained: Kids. Or rather, a new kid. Kid #2, to be exact.
And apparently the Cranky Product Manager pissed off the universe by referring to kid #1 as the "CrankyKid," cuz OMFG kid #2 has genuine Cranky Superpowers. Let's repeat that: OMFG.
The Cranky PM made a vow. No work-related anything during this maternity leave. Not even cranky blogging. Not even READING blogs. Or reading _anything_, really. Because reading requires mental concentration. And mental concentration requires sleep. And the Cranky Product Manager is running such a huge sleep deficit that she needs Congress to vote on increasing the sleep debt ceiling (har!).
Don't worry the Cranky Product Manager will be back. Cuz' she needs the money. Once "back in the game" no doubt she'll get cranky again.
See you in October 2011.
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It's that time of year. Time to give your colleagues some kind of present. To say thanks and stuff like that.
Now, IF, and ONLY IF your co-workers have intact senses of humor, you might want to consider gifting them an awesomely cranky mug.
Large & small mugs available. Plus for "I'm Busy" and "I am a Cranky Product Manager" there is a ceramic travel mug.
The Cranky Product Manager suggests BULK shipments since CafePress's shipping costs are not cheap.
Mugs for your non-Product Management colleagues (recall the sense of humor requirement!):
And don't you know you are ALREADY late for Chanukah presents! Get going and order your Cranky Mugs NOW.
Enjoy and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
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Searching for a Christmas present for that wicked awesome product manager?
BUY A CRANKY PRODUCT MANAGER MUG!
The Cranky Product Manager created a brand spankin’ new design, to wrap around mugs, water bottles, and travel mugs. Check it:
And of course, the usual mugs are still for sale:
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Right now, stop reading this post and go vote for the Cranky Product Manager in the Computer Weekly blog awards, category: proJECT management (don't ask...). HURRY UP!!!! There's only about 1 day left.
The Cranky Product Manager came in SECOND in this category in 2008 (see here and here), but THIS TIME SHE DESERVES to WIN. Well, not really, but since when does "deserving" have anything to do with a product management award (not naming names, but you KNOW who you are...)?
If the Cranky Product Manager wins this totally unbelievably amazing award, she's totally going to spend its massive CASH PRIZE on wicked awesome stuff like the following: 
It's all for the good of the Product Management Profession! TRULY. My GAWD isn't the Cranky Product Manager so FRAKIN' GENEROUS. What a saint she is.
So, VOTE ALREADY.
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This is brief, because it hurts to type. True physical pain.
The Cranky PM has H1N1 – 0r as one reader termed it, “porkulosis”. No doubt, it is some kind of cosmic retribution for her executing a near flawless product launch earlier this week, and then bragging about it on Twitter.
Unfortunately, this means that the Cranky Product Manager will be unable to speak at Business of Software 2009.
She is SO sorry and very, very disappointed. She had her wig and sunglasses all set to go, and had been working on her presentation for weeks. (Maybe she’ll record it as a webinar some day, so that the effort does not go to waste). She was really looking forward to attending the conference and learning at the feet of gurus like Geoffrey Moore (her hero) and Joel Spolsky.
Damn you, swine flu!
In the Cranky PM’s stead, @NeilDavidson, the fearless organizer of Business of Software 2009 will be doing a talk on the “weird pyschology of software pricing.” Very interesting topic, and it is sure to be a great presentation.
Anyway, the Cranky PM is super-duper sorry. She feels like she really let you down. She hopes to try again next year at Business of Software 2010 in Boston.
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Hello,
As you might know, the Cranky Product Manager is scheduled to speak at the Business of Software 2009 conference. In a crazy-ass wig and sunglasses. As if that really disguised anyone. Maybe the CPM should get one of those Scooby-Doo Villain masks….
Ack. Focus, CPM!
The topic: the Cranky Product Manager is gonna talk about the big dysfunctions that seem endemic to nearly all B2B software vendors:
1. Marketing lies – intentional and unintentional.
2. Ridiculously complicated licensing, option-itis, and near-malignant product proliferation.
3. Wrongly applying the 80/20 rule to product development (example: delivering a product that does only 20% of the main use case, yet expecting 80% of the product’s potential revenue)
The request for your help:
OK, the Cranky PM wouldn’t have known the above were nearly universal ills, if it were not for her readers sharing their woes that were eerily similar. But she still feels dissatisfied. Needs more woe-sharing.
So, as she prepares this little talk, the Cranky Product Manager could use a bit of help. From YOU. Just answer some questions. Share your stories. Email ‘em to crankypm@crankypm.com.
Rest assured, that while your stories will be fodder for my session, I will definitely disguise any info you want and protect your confidentiality. Promise.
PLEASE HELP A SISTAH! Email the Cranky PM!
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The Cranky Product Manager has gone all new-agey — doing yoga and eating organic food and crap like that…rethinking life, trying to think positive (“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me”) and all. (What’s next? Macrame?)
Anyway, perhaps as a result, the Cranky Product Manager’s body has become less poluted and her psyche a bit more courageous. More intrepid. Less of a chicken-shit. And as such, the CPM has actually started SPEAKING… out LOUD! And you, gentle readers, can even listen in.
First, there was a podcast with the illustrious ho-bag Forrester analyst Tom Grant, back in June.
And then, there was the recent podcast with the celebrated Michael Ray Hopkin, proprietor of the glorious Lead on Purpose Blog and The Product Management Pulse.
Check em’ out. We discuss all kinda fun stuff, like, is product management the best job or the most wretched? Where should PM report in the organization (don’t PMs just LOVE to debate that one)? How do you handle those pesky Sales Droids? Why do you sometime have to shoot your product in the head?
Note that in both podcasts, the Cranky Product Manager’s “real voice” has been distorted mightily, and that her hideous cackle-laugh has been replaced with an equally horrendous, yet different, cackle-laugh. The Cranky PM is not that courageous yet, folks. (You will, however, determine that that Cranky Product Manager has a quintessential middle-America accent. Go do some detective work with that.)
Next up? The Cranky Product Manager is going to speak IN THE FLESH at The Business of Software 2009 Conference (a Joel of Software Conference) in San Francisco, November 9-11. It should be a WICKED AWESOME conference. The possibility of meeting the adorably brilliant Joel Spolsky and her hero Geoffrey Moore (not to mention the wicked awesomeness of Kathy Sierra, Heidi Roizen, Don Norman and Paul Graham) is why the Cranky Product Manager decided to take on this risky adventure.
Needless to say, the Cranky PM is scared s#!#less. She’s not yet sure how she’ll handle the anonymity issue — should she “come out”? Wear a wig and sunglasses? Hire a devastatingly attractive model to go in her place? Take lessons from that douche David Blaine on how to enter and escape from a conference room without witnesses? Or what…?
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ASIDE:
Maybe it’s time to just come out and get it over with. A wise reader recently forwarded the Cranky Product Manager this advice from famous blogger Penelope Trunk – she says to blog under your real name, as someone whose anonymous blog went so awry that she ended up chaning her REAL NAME to her pen name. And while the Cranky Product Manager is DEFINITELY not EVER going to change her real name to “Cranky PM”, it did give her food for thought….
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