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Cranky Tweets

Cranky Tweets for the Week Ending 2010-05-05

by The Cranky Product Manager on May 5, 2010

in Cranky Tweets

  • Sorry DevTeam,crankypm won't let u release barely-alpha crap as a production version, even if u call it "limited edition" #prodmgmt #
  • SalesDroid, customer hates you & will only accept calls from crankypm.Pls send crankypm ur commission $ -it's only fair. #prodmgmt #
  • It seems that Twitter siphons off the Crankypm's blog-juice. Can't both blog & tweet well. Readers - which should the crankypm do? #prodmgmt #
  • #SFbayarea ppl - what time do BART pkg lots fill up at Millbrae, Colma, San Bruno, Daly City? Can I get a spot at 9:35am? #
  • RT @TheRealSWMBO: Continuously disappointed by people who don't follow DWYSYWD. #
  • RT @gryphmount: Scott Butler in usability session:"I've never seen documentation solve a usability problem." Shouldn't be surprising. #stc10 #

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Cranky Tweets for the Week Ending 2010-04-28

by The Cranky Product Manager on April 28, 2010

in Cranky Tweets

  • Rofl. So true. RT @TomGrantForr: LA: At least it's not Orlando. #
  • Today's Take Yer Kid to Work Day. The CrankyKid is gonna be so impressed w my cube, conf call phone, packed mtg sched & whitebrd. #prodmgmt #
  • re Earth Day: So much wasted materials, lost effort fr products that should NEVER have been built. #Prodmgmt needs to step up! #
  • uh oh. Headhunter just called abt a #prodmgmt leader position with "no visits to customers" b/c someone else does that. RED FLAG! #
  • RT @WomenWhoTech: My article made it to homepage of Fast Company -Startups: An “Alpha Male Pissing-Contest?” http://bit.ly/9X0DLf #
  • Can't believe those racist Metro PCS ads are still airing. And that some ppl don't think they're racist. #
  • What's wrong with the Internet today? No matter the device or network location, everything is SO slow. #
  • If crankypm gets sucked into 1 more argument abt top-down vs bottom-up #prodmgmt planning, she's gonna get her Kate Gosselin on. #
  • In her career, crankypm's seen 2 #prodmgmt ppl FIRED for over-promising a product release to customers. Anyone else seen this? #
  • RT @DavidWLocke: Strategy as Tires: I'm not taking the sofa on our car camping trip. #
  • Uh, SalesDroid? NO WAY is crankypm emailing you the CONFIDENTIAL roadmap. She on to ur sinister plan to tweak it & give to prospects #
  • CodeBoy, pls put your socks and shoes back on & remove the remnants of lunch from your beard. #prodmgmt #
  • Am considering putting "knows how to tie his own frakin' tie" in the perf eval criteria for #prodmgmt males. honestly! :-( #

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Cranky Tweets for the Week Ending 2010-04-21

by The Cranky Product Manager on April 21, 2010

in Cranky Tweets

  • Cranky Rule #25 If ur one big customer's relnship w u is "Master & his Bitch," forget Agile. Write down all reqs & agreemnts. #
  • Nice that every single enhancement request EVER is in Bugzilla, but HOW is the crankypm supposed to wade thru 10K of 'em? #prodmgmt #
  • My CrankyKid's learning to say SORRY. Doesn't mean it, says it while screaming & threatening, but its a start. Like someone else she knows. #
  • CodeBoy, u resist any reasonable process b/c ur an "artiste".But u don't even produce motel art. More like paint-by-#s #prodmgmt #software #
  • Nice article by @RichMironov http://tinyurl.com/y7jqaa6 #prodmgmt #
  • Was at a networking event for startup ppl last night. Sad. Most have no idea tha #prodmgmt is more than writing brochures. #
  • Sorry, the crankypm doesn't think a PM Team offsite meeting at Hooters is a good idea. Doesn't matter if the wings are delicious. #
  • Sometimes, the crankypm fantasizes about returning to her CodeGrrl roots. Life was so much simpler and less frantic then. #prodmgmt #
  • Ah, the joy of having Jr. PM slaves. Never again shall the CrankyPM handle the Supported Platforms List (hopefully). #prodmgmt #
  • RT @liamatFHOKE: Some one please invent a computer virus that upgrades user's web browser to the latest version of internet explorer #ie6 #
  • Can anyone recommend good articles on how to make your enterpise sw product #SaaS y? (Articles aimed at #prodmgmt HOW focused, not WHY) #

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Cranky Tweets for the Week Ending 2010-04-14

by The Cranky Product Manager on April 14, 2010

in Cranky Tweets

  • Instead of cranky pm's / developers / marketers / etc, today the crankypm is dealing w a bunch of cranky toddlers. REAL toddlers #prodmgmt #
  • RT @chadmyers @crankypm When you get right down to it, a PM is really a professional day care manager, right? #
  • Good article "Congratulations You're Leading Product Management" http://tinyurl.com/ydmerkm @Jim_Holland #
  • RT @LaurieShook: RT @atomicjackie: Because it's never too early to crush their spirits: Baby's First Cubicle. http://ow.ly/1quWtF #
  • RT @jasonmiceli: Looking 4 more sponsors for ProductCamp Boston - find more info here: http://bit.ly/bVgXJV - Thx!! #
  • Methinks Dysfunctosoft customers have Beta Fatigue. Too many releases, too many products, too many surveys. Far fewer testers this year. #

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Cranky Tweets for the Week Ending 2010-03-31

by The Cranky Product Manager on March 31, 2010

in Cranky Tweets

  • New cranky post! Cranky Tweets for the Week Ending 2010-03-24 - http://crankypm.com/?p=1495 #prodmgmt #
  • Today the crankypm feels like a woman scorned. #
  • Ugh. Hate it when a promising product must be euthanized. Alas, it's ahead of its time. #
  • Stuck in the Bermuda Triangle of Bull$#!+ Meetings today, created by that trifecta of BS-osity: Engineering, Sales &Marketing. #prodmgmt #
  • #prodmgmt #039;s kinda like parenting, 'cept u can't take ur kids out back & shoot 'em in the head for failing to solve market problems. #
  • To be clear, the crankypm's last tweet was about killing off bad PRODUCTS, not developers or project managers or children. #prodmgmt #
  • New cranky post! The (ahem) "Art" of Pricing - http://crankypm.com/?p=1500 #prodmgmt #
  • Oy. No comments on yesterday's blog post yet. Feeling unpopular. (The (ahem) "Art" of Pricing - http://bit.ly/cRfG5R #prodmgmt #

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Cranky Tweets for the Week Ending 2010-03-24

by The Cranky Product Manager on March 24, 2010

in Cranky Tweets

  • Oh fantastic. The Cranky PM was just told her summer intern req is being filled w the CEO's partyboy son. Why is she not ecstatic. #prodmgmt #
  • RT @sctechman @crankypm If they call themselves "visionary" they usually aren't. #prodmgmt #
  • RT @chadmyers @crankypm like museums of stupid inventions from late 1800's, in 100 yrs there'll be museums of stupid #startup ideas of today #
  • oh, Twitter, u are becoming a spamland of fraud & deceit. Got lots o retweets yesterday, but most tweeters had the EXACT same tweet history #
  • Let's start a vicious rumor - that @TondinBanks is the "real" crankypm. He sounds like it, anyway. #
  • The Silicon Valley is so wonderful today that even the cranky product manager is having difficulty being cranky.... #
  • The Silicon Valley weather is so wonderful today that even the cranky product manager is having difficulty being cranky.... #
  • Finally fixed the crankypm blog. At last, the return of the header image of the Cranky Product Manager's "stunt ass"! whoopdie doo. #
  • Great.CrankyPM's boss dumped 3 new products & 20 new initiatives on her. Asked to prioritize, he sez "they're ALL top priority" #prodmgmt #
  • #Software sux cuz there are too many COWARDS. Afraid to prioritize / focus / segment / not use the latest buzzword, etc. #prodmgmt #
  • Why on earth is the @crankypm up at this god forsaken hour? Argh. Business travel. #

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Cranky Tweets for Week ending 3/20/2010

by The Cranky Product Manager on March 20, 2010

in Cranky Tweets

  1. The Silicon Valley weather is so wonderful today that even the cranky product manager is having difficulty being cranky....
  2. Let's start a vicious rumor - that @TondinBanks is the "real" crankypm. He sounds like it, anyway. 11:35 AM Mar 17th via web
  3. RT @chadmyers @crankypm like museums of stupid inventions from late 1800's, in 100 yrs there'll be museums of stupid #startup ideas of today 
  4. RT @sctechman @crankypm If they call themselves "visionary" they usually aren't. #prodmgmt
  5. Oh fantastic. The Cranky PM was just told her summer intern req is being filled w the CEO's partyboy son. Why is she not ecstatic. #prodmgmt
  6. OK, startup weenies, raise ur hands - how many think your technology is "disruptive?" What? All of you? Guess what? YOU'RE WRONG. #prodmgmt
  7. Every time a self-styled "visionary" claims he has a "disruptive technology," the crankypm grinds a millimeter off her teeth. #prodmgmt
  8. RT a2d2@crankypm Marketing to "everyone" is NP Complete and deserves a "if you figured out a good way to do it I have a Turing Award for you".
  9. RT chadmyers @crankypm VC funded startups are barely distinguishable from criminal organizations and often involve more lying and distrust.
  10. Advice to PMs: Make sure the #startup founder is not a freakin' lunatic before joining. Or a criminal. #prodmgmt
  11. @MJM_PM - Hope you are enjoying the mug! Tell your friends (if u have any) to BUY one! :-) http://www.cafepress.com/crankypm
  12. @benjaminhill - Hope you are enjoying the mug! Tell your friends (if u have any) to BUY one! :-) http://www.cafepress.com/crankypm
  13. 25-yo VC-spreadsheet Boy, ur suggestion of targetting "everyone" is just what crankypm would expect fr someone w/o operational experience.
  14. V irritated when 25 yo rich kid w no op experience claims he's a Venture Capitalist. Wrong-o, dude! Ur the spreadsheet jockey! #prodmgmt
  15. Cranky PM's imitation of VCs: "synergy blah blah business model blah blah Twitter blah Google acquisition blah green social n/w" #prodmgmt
  16. Bunch o suntanned white male robots w short hair, bluetooths, blue button-down shirts & khaki pants have arrived. VC invasion! #prodmgmt
  17. Betting that all the "most extroverted introverts" (aka #prodmgmt) are EXHAUSTED after the intense social interaction of #pcamp10.
  18. Had a great #pcamp10! The crankypm thx the organizers and sponsors. 'Till next year.... #prodmgmt
  19. Another free Cranky pm mug for #pcamp10 attendees. Behind the "It's Y!ou" desk at top of stairs, 2nd floor. First person gets. 
  20. The cranky pm is having her own #pcamp10 raffle. Left a free cranky mug in the room with the pool tbls under a chair. First person gets.
  21. Headin' to pcamp... If the Cranky Kid would just stop melting down and would hang out nicely with the babysitter. #prodmgmt

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Cranky Tweets for Week Ending 3/13/2010

by The Cranky Product Manager on March 13, 2010

in Cranky Tweets

  1. The Cranky Product Manager will see you all at P-Camp Silicon Valley tomorrow! #prodmgmt
  2. RT narahari @crankypm did you already tell folks that a Beta should have participants? - its not a Beta just because you did PR #prodmgmt
  3. Latest: Hint #3 for dumb-ass PMs: if you're going to have a Beta, maybe you should at least TRY to collect the Beta feedback. #prodmgmt
  4. @amritamathur - Surely you jest. Have yet to meet robot Devs that blindly accept orders. http://tinyurl.com/yazxcuc #prodmgmt
  5. Newsflash for dumbass PMs: Devs don't regard ur req doc as golden tablets brought down the mtn. 
  6. The Cranky PM refuses to put dudes leaping over bar charts in her powerpoint presos. Is this why she is not VP yet? #prodmgmt
  7. Hint for dumb-ass PMs: if your product is painful to use, don't offer a 30-day free trial. #prodmgmt
  8. @a2d2 - In software, it's more typical for PMs to NOT handle P&L. But PMs should understand financials of their products regardless.
  9. New cranky #prodmgmt post: The Cranky PM on “Been There, Done That” http://crankypm.com/2010/03/cranky-pm/
  10. RT TondinBanks Listen here Product Mkt Mgr, you do not get a say in UI Design of my solution. Get over it! #grumpy #prodmgmt #prodmktmgmt
  11. Sweet Cheezus, Cranky PM needs to diversify her friends. Her PM buddies debate endlessly abt where #prodmgmt should report into. Boring! 
  12. SERIOUS bone to pick with the Intuit TurboTax team. Send their #prodmgmt to the Cranky PM's office immediately! Its AMT calcs are all effed! 
  13. Is the term "serial entrepreneur" the new "douchebag"? The cranky pm thinks yes... #prodmgmt

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Cranky Tweets for the Week Ending 3/4/2010

March 4, 2010

Note 2 CEO: Don’t use #prodmgmt as a dumping ground for ur incompetent buddies that sales/mktg/support/dev tried to fire. @Jim_Holland – ?!?!?!??!?! wow. The crankypm is against demo-pimposity for PMs, but seriously LEARN TO USE YOUR EFFING PRODUCT. The CPM is SHOCKED & HORRIFIED by the sheer number of product managers she’s met who can’t [...]

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Cranky Tweets for the Week Ending 2010-03-02

March 2, 2010

Big company meeting at DysfunctoSoft. Per usual, #prodmgmt is asking 85% of all the questions to the CEO. # the Cranky PM's Worst Positioning Statement has been out-done by @matthewglidden. http://tinyurl.com/yc4nqe5 #prodmgmt #prodmktg # The Worst Positioning Stmt is trumped AGAIN! http://crankypm.com/2010/02/prototype-worst-positioning-statement/#comment-4140. #prodmgmt # Hey, don't be a "take-take-taker" all the frakin' time! Volunteer at [...]

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