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FINAL CHAPTER (part 6): World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview

by The Cranky Product Manager on December 21, 2010

in The PM Profession,Your Career

Quantum Whisper was kind enough to supply the Cranky PM with expensive lattes this month.  They are a wicked awesome company that links customer feedback to your backlog.  Crank-tastic!

-----------

At LONG LAST, the World's Most Generic Product Management Interview wraps up.

The Cranky Product Manager will just say that creating these videos is a lot more tedious than you might expect. Especially since she is a lousy speller and the xtranormal thing lacks spell check. She is really sick of those monotone voices! So this will be the VERY LAST CARTOON for a while.

(And if you received this post via email or your RSS reader and cannot see the embedded video/cartoon, view it here.)
 

Check it, Part 6, THE FINAL CHAPTER!

And if you haven't seen the previous videos, find them here.

PARTS 1 &  2 - The interview dress code.  The first slew of generic questions.

PART 3 - Even more generic questions.  Round manholes, anyone?

PART 4 - Questions that require you be a much better PM than the hiring manager.

PART 5 - Do you have any questions for me?

PART 6 - The Final Chapter - What are the next steps?

( And don't forget to buy your colleagues holiday gifts.  How 'bout some Cranky PM mugs? )

Also in The World's Most Generic PM Interview

  1. Cranky Cartoons: The Generic Product Management Interview (parts 1 & 2)
  2. CRANKY CARTOONS: THE GENERIC PRODUCT MANAGEMENT INTERVIEW (PART 3)
  3. Part 4: The World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
  4. Part 5: World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
  5. FINAL CHAPTER (part 6): World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
<< Previous in series |

{ 18 comments }

CRANKY CARTOONS: THE GENERIC PRODUCT MANAGEMENT INTERVIEW (PART 3)

by The Cranky Product Manager on December 2, 2010

in The PM Profession,Your Career

 NOW.... the LONG awaited Part 3 of the World's Most Generic Product Management Interview.  In Video!  In Cartoons!  With monotone voices!

WITNESS as the Cranky VP of Product Management asks Clueless PM Job Candidate some lazy-ass interview questions.  Questions she read on some boring product management blog (maybe this one) two minutes before the interview started.

If you haven't seen parts 1 & 2, please view them first.  Go HERE.

(And if you are receiving this post via email, you will need to visit the actual blog to see the video - the video links are not making it into the emails for some reason.  Go here.)

(Thanks to Esteemed Member of the Crankerati Scott Sehlhorst, for the  "out-of-the-box thinking" bit.)

Also in The World's Most Generic PM Interview

  1. Cranky Cartoons: The Generic Product Management Interview (parts 1 & 2)
  2. CRANKY CARTOONS: THE GENERIC PRODUCT MANAGEMENT INTERVIEW (PART 3)
  3. Part 4: The World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
  4. Part 5: World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
  5. FINAL CHAPTER (part 6): World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
<< Previous in series | | Next in series >>

{ 17 comments }

Sexism in the Software Industry, as Encountered by the Cranky Product Manager

by The Cranky Product Manager on October 18, 2010

in The PM Profession

Following up on the previous post about the deepening dearth of women in the software industry, here are some incidents of outright sexism that the Cranky Product Manager has encountered in this industry.

Admittedly, most of these are pretty mild.  After all, she doesn't feel she was every denied a promotion or made less salary because she was female. She was never pressured to "do" anyone.  And she honestly believes that the overwhelming majority of men she has worked with really WANT to see more women in technical and product roles, and to see them advance.

But still.

And no, The Cranky Product Manager never reported any of these incidents to HR.  Maybe she should have, but - let's face it - it probably wouldn't have changed things anyway. 

1. Being one of the 3 engineers in an R&D group of 20 that were not invited to the big industry tradeshow in Vegas. All three of the "left behinds" were women, and all 17 that attended were guys. The excuse was that we women would not have had fun, and they didn't think we'd want to attend anyway since most of what they did was go to strip clubs. (The group came back from Vegas with lots of awesome research project ideas, triggered by their conference experiences. Experiences that we women missed out on.)

2. Booth babes at Trade Shows. Every year. And having people assume that the Cranky Product Manager is a know-nothing booth babe who doesn't know CSS from NoSQL.

3. Account managers asking the Cranky Product Manager to please flirt with a prospect's tech guys on sales calls. Because those guys "get off on geeky chicks."

4. Erased #4 because this post is getting an unexpectedly huge audience and the CrankyPM needs to protect her identity.

5. Attending a Sales Kick-Off party where the CEO hired an "actress/comedienne" to perform / strip for the company. (You see, she only got down to her bra and panties, so it was "okay.")

6. Scantily clad women (no men!) dancing in cages and groping each other, at the "big party" every year at the DysfunctoWorld conference for customers and partners.

7. Having the skeevy, drunk Division GM, dressed as Santa Claus, basically force the Cranky Product Manager to sit on his lap during the Christmas party. For an excrutiatingly long three minutes.

UPDATE:  Forgot a few!  More below....

8. At her first out-of-college job, being referred to as the "Build Mistress."  This isn't bad in itself, because she was indeed the Build Master/Mistress.  But the dominatrix jokes (and white board doodlings) stopped being funny after the 25th repetition.

9. As an engineer at an early-stage startup, being sent home to change and scrub the makeup off my face prior to a meeting with prospective Venture Capitalists.  Because the VCs would never believe that I was a serious engineer if I wore a skirt.

10. Having every visitor to her startup's office assume the Cranky Product Manager was the office manager just because she was the nearest female to the door.  (There was a male office manager, plus about 5 other guys were closer to the door than the CPM.)

11. When interviewing at a startup with no female employees, the Cranky PM attended a "company meeting" to get a feel for the culture.  The VP of Engineering dropped the F-bomb and a few other swears (big deal!). But THEN the speaker turned to the Cranky Product Manager and said, "Excuse me! I didn't realize we were in MIXED company." Later he made a blow job joke and said "Oops! I keep forgetting we're in MIXED company!"  

Way to make a girl feel at home! Keep pointing out she's different than everyone else, under the guise of "politeness."   And PLEASE, the Cranky Product Manager drops more F-bombs before breakfast than that douchebag does in a week.  (this is not a good thing, but it is what it is.)  Needless to say, the Cranky PM did not join this company.

Software Sisters, add your own experiences in the comments!

{ 106 comments }

Parenting and Product Management

by The Cranky Product Manager on April 19, 2010

in The PM Profession

The Cranky Product Manager was just reading Rich Mironov’s The Art of Product Management.  Good reads.  Easy, breezy.  Informative yet FUN essays about product management.  Kind of like this blog. Except it is better written. And not cranky. And optimistic and hopeful.  And more educational. And by someone who knows a lot more about Product Management than the embittered Cranky Product Manager.

(Crap. Why are you reading this pathetic blog? Maybe you should go check out Rich’s book instead (see note 1).)

Not that the Cranky Product Manager agrees with everything Mr. Mironov sez. Cuz, of course, being cranky, she can’t. It is a law of the universe.  She must find something to nitpick.  This quality of hers drives the Cranky Husband wild with desire. No lie. Well, not really.

So anyway, the nitpicks.  The Art of Product Management has a chapter explaining how Product Management is like Parenting.  Or maybe it’s why parenting is like product management.  Whatever.  But it got the Cranky Product Manager thinking, seeing as she’s the parent of one CrankyKid.

(For those unfamiliar with the CrankyKid… S/he is a toddler who, unfortunately, is picking up the Cranky PM’s potty mouth.  Exhibit A: yesterday’s car ride conversation with him/herself: “BULL sheet? boool-sheet? boolshit! bullSHIT!!? BullBULLshit! Bullshit mommy bullSHIT!“, you get the idea.  Repeated a thousand times over in that way that only a toddler can. Please commence judging of the Cranky Product Manager’s parenting skills NOW.)

So, YEAH.  Product Management is JUST LIKE parenting.  JUST LIKE.  Especially if:

  1. You go around asking everyone about your baby’s strengths, but especially his weaknesses.
  2. You do win-loss analysis after play dates.
  3. You actively seek market problems that your toddler can profitably solve.  For example, maybe Judd Apatow’s next film could use the CrankyKid’s cursing and new-found toileting skills?
  4. You send out surveys to relatives, friends, members of the local mother’s club, and those “Mommy and Me” Pilates people (or do we only have these in California?) about how well your child is meeting their needs, and what their perception of your child’s brand is.
  5. You maintain a 10-year roadmap for the child, in PowerPoint format.
  6. You conclude that after two years of being a drag on your household’s finances, that you need to shoot your spawn in the head.  Or at least “desupport” him/her by refusing to further feed, clothe or educate him/her.

DISCLAIMER: Please note that nothing in this post is meant to advocate infanticide or toddlercide or any type of harm of any kind to children (or any living creature).  The Cranky PM DOES, however, advocate the euthanasia of under-performing and misguided products. INANIMATE products.

——

Note 1:  YES, the Cranky PM knows Rich. He is wicked awesome, but he is not giving her any compensation for a positive review. Instead, Amazon Affiliates promises to give the Cranky Product Manager an affiliate commission on any book sales made via this link.    But she is recommending it because it is a good book, not for the money. (If she were just trollin’ for cash, she could recommend some TERRIBLE books on product management and Amazon would still pay).

{ 22 comments }

Cranky Tweets for Week ending 3/20/2010

by The Cranky Product Manager on March 20, 2010

in Cranky Tweets

  1. The Silicon Valley weather is so wonderful today that even the cranky product manager is having difficulty being cranky....
  2. Let's start a vicious rumor - that @TondinBanks is the "real" crankypm. He sounds like it, anyway. 11:35 AM Mar 17th via web
  3. RT @chadmyers @crankypm like museums of stupid inventions from late 1800's, in 100 yrs there'll be museums of stupid #startup ideas of today 
  4. RT @sctechman @crankypm If they call themselves "visionary" they usually aren't. #prodmgmt
  5. Oh fantastic. The Cranky PM was just told her summer intern req is being filled w the CEO's partyboy son. Why is she not ecstatic. #prodmgmt
  6. OK, startup weenies, raise ur hands - how many think your technology is "disruptive?" What? All of you? Guess what? YOU'RE WRONG. #prodmgmt
  7. Every time a self-styled "visionary" claims he has a "disruptive technology," the crankypm grinds a millimeter off her teeth. #prodmgmt
  8. RT a2d2@crankypm Marketing to "everyone" is NP Complete and deserves a "if you figured out a good way to do it I have a Turing Award for you".
  9. RT chadmyers @crankypm VC funded startups are barely distinguishable from criminal organizations and often involve more lying and distrust.
  10. Advice to PMs: Make sure the #startup founder is not a freakin' lunatic before joining. Or a criminal. #prodmgmt
  11. @MJM_PM - Hope you are enjoying the mug! Tell your friends (if u have any) to BUY one! :-) http://www.cafepress.com/crankypm
  12. @benjaminhill - Hope you are enjoying the mug! Tell your friends (if u have any) to BUY one! :-) http://www.cafepress.com/crankypm
  13. 25-yo VC-spreadsheet Boy, ur suggestion of targetting "everyone" is just what crankypm would expect fr someone w/o operational experience.
  14. V irritated when 25 yo rich kid w no op experience claims he's a Venture Capitalist. Wrong-o, dude! Ur the spreadsheet jockey! #prodmgmt
  15. Cranky PM's imitation of VCs: "synergy blah blah business model blah blah Twitter blah Google acquisition blah green social n/w" #prodmgmt
  16. Bunch o suntanned white male robots w short hair, bluetooths, blue button-down shirts & khaki pants have arrived. VC invasion! #prodmgmt
  17. Betting that all the "most extroverted introverts" (aka #prodmgmt) are EXHAUSTED after the intense social interaction of #pcamp10.
  18. Had a great #pcamp10! The crankypm thx the organizers and sponsors. 'Till next year.... #prodmgmt
  19. Another free Cranky pm mug for #pcamp10 attendees. Behind the "It's Y!ou" desk at top of stairs, 2nd floor. First person gets. 
  20. The cranky pm is having her own #pcamp10 raffle. Left a free cranky mug in the room with the pool tbls under a chair. First person gets.
  21. Headin' to pcamp... If the Cranky Kid would just stop melting down and would hang out nicely with the babysitter. #prodmgmt

{ 5 comments }

Guest Post: The Cranky Analyst Wants Everyone To Stop Yelling At Each Other

by The Cranky Product Manager on August 5, 2009

in Analysts,Guest Posts

Today we have an excellent guest post from a professional ho-bag.  No, not Lady Gaga, nor Paris Hilton, but an IT Industry Analyst!  You know, one of those coin-operated Gardener / Forest Ranger types.

The Cranky PM feels positively DIRTY publishing this, but it is very excellently written, quite cranky, and pretty durn funny (O-holes!  *snort*).

——————–

Here’s a quick memorandum to Cranky Product Manager, Cranky Marketer, Cranky CEO, and all the other members of the Cranky League. You may be shocked to hear that you have my sympathy…Up to a point. As soon as it starts warping the relationship between vendor and analyst, your collective crankiness means exactly Jacques Merde.

You should take a good look at how dysfunctional families behave, since as a group, that’s how many of you operate when dealing with the outside world. In exactly the same fashion as a dysfunctional family, you pretend that you can conceal your problems from outsiders. (You can’t.) If one of these outsiders takes note of these problems, you denounce them loudly and angrily. (It’s not convincing.) And you refuse help from anyone, not because you might need it, but because the shame of admitting to your problems might cause some beloved, confidence-defining portion of your anatomy to shrivel up and fall off. (It won’t.)

Just like any dysfunctional family, your attention is focused inwards. The tiny world inside your four walls, even if it gets abysmally ugly, can dominate your mind in the same way that a moth can’t think of anything but slamming itself over and over against a porch light. In contrast, outsiders—customers, partners, analysts, journalists—are just an annoying distraction. You want to get any odiously necessary contact with outsiders over with as quickly as possible, because you have to get back to winning that incandescent argument with the obnoxious twit who works on the next floor up.  And you act surprised when people don’t seem to like you.

If you think the dysfunctional family comparison is unfair, let’s take a look at how neurotic your behavior really is. We’ll use a typical pre-launch analyst briefing as a case study.

  • You want to get analysts to praise your upcoming Mega- Über-Super Release Of Ultimate Power And Awesomeness. (Check that box: “Get analyst buy-in.”) However, you wait until the last possible moment to give the briefing, when it’s far too late for analyst feedback to have even the slightest effect on the release. Everyone knows what you really want is validation. When you don’t get it, you act hurt and outraged, like the relatives who ignore you the rest of the calendar year, but there’s hell to pay if you forget to send them a Christmas card.
  • You try to convince the analysts, during the briefing, by talking them to death. Surely, if you keep piling up the words, the collective weight of them will crush any objections. Forget having a conversation, or questions, or even a bathroom break. And why stop talking long enough to show the product, when you can continue describing it in terms of abstract boxes, circles, trapezoids, and arrows in a PowerPoint slide? Or 187 PowerPoint slides?
  • Rather than providing direct access to reference customers, you tell us that you have a case study. Or, to paraphrase, you know a guy in your company who knows a guy in another company who told the first guy that the new product looked pretty good. This standard of evidence works pretty well for the enthusiasts of the weird and unexplained phenomena like Bigfoot and UFO sightings. The problem with the skeptics? They just don’t want to believe.

As obnoxious as this behavior can be, you still haven’t completely destroyed our sympathy. We know how much effort goes into an analyst presentation—all the hand-wringing behind the scenes, especially with the CEO, CMO, CTO, and all the other executive-level O-holes involved.

Unfortunately, despite all your pains, the result is a lot like the hideous plaid sweater you got from your well-intentioned but fashion-challenged aunt for your birthday: It’s not the gift you wanted. Hell, it’s not even what you explicitly asked to get.

I’m sure that, if the briefing doesn’t turn out the way you hoped, verbal fisticuffs ensue. However, these arguments among the Cranky Department Heads don’t usually make the next briefing any better. Dysfunctional families argue a lot, but the arguments are never about the real problem. If you can exhaust yourself yelling at Bob because he left the toilet seat up, or laying out your careful argument proving that Mary doesn’t give you the respect you deserve, or reminding Frank that you warned him a thousand times over that the god damn puppy he wanted was going to ruin the furniture, you don’t have the time or energy left over to discuss anything substantive.

So, if the Cranky Engineer didn’t get all the requirements info he wanted, or the Cranky Marketer feels unappreciated for all the great leads she generated, Boo Fricking Hoo. Welcome to life in the vale of tears, where you might get the chance to fix some of these problems, but others will stubbornly resist all your world-class wailing and gnashing of teeth. No one expects you, or your company, to be problem-free. We do mind, however, if you use your problems as an excuse to treat the rest of us shabbily.

{ 15 comments }

Defending the CPM’s Fictional Name

by The Cranky Product Manager on July 1, 2009

in Blog Business,The PM Profession

You “regular” people will probably never understand this, but it is TOUGH TOUGH TOUGH being a fictional product management celebrity. (Please, cry for me, Argentina.)

For one, the paparazzi never leave you alone.

Second, you never get any ”real-world” Web-2.0 cred – even at a time when everyone else is vomiting  ”social media brand-building” all over their resumes.  Well, guess who has more social media cred than 95% of you?  THE CRANKY PRODUCT MANAGER, THAT’S WHO.  But does the Cranky PM get to brag about such things on her “real world” resume, and maybe angle for a better paying job (or at least keep the one she has)?   HELL NO. In this respect, the CPM’s “real world” resume looks like a 60-year-old grandma’s (see note 1).

Third drawback?  Well, every now and then, an attention-whoring, self-promoting, link-baiting JACKASS has the AUDACITY to call you FICTIONAL! 

GAH!  How DARE he? That JACKASS!

But then the CPM is like, “Well, DUH, of COURSE I’m fictional!” 

But CRIPES it ticks her off, especially when he further posits that the CPM is a project of a commercial firm, written by someone who is familiar with product management but never had the role, and that the author is just making shit up in her posts. 

So the CPM debated the issue with herself: 

CHOICE #1: Bitch about it on Twitter for 60 seconds and then move on.  Reasons for:

  1. Attempting to “prove” the CPM’s legitimacy might compromise her real-world identity.
  2. What this Jackass wants – DESPERATELY, more than ANYTHING — is for the Cranky PM to send her 5000+ regular readers to his site. all so the Jackass can attempt to convince them to buy training from HIM.  (not gonna happen…)
  3. Tom Grant already defended the Cranky Product Manager’s honor on her behalf.  Why beat a dead horse?

CHOICE #2:  Defend self & take The Jackass to task. Reasons for:

  1. The Cranky Product Manager rarely backs away from a fight, especially when her FAMILY NAME is besmirched so scandalously.  She has the scars from many a middle-school scuffle to prove it.  
  2. The Cranky Product Manager is extremely flawed, prideful, and dumb. Emphasis on dumb.

Hmm…. Well, Choice #1 seems to be the most rational, thoughtful choice.  But the CPM has been dealing all day with a whining toddler who has apparently forgotten everything about using the potty.  She is on her last nerve and therefore she unwisely picks Choice #2.

SO, FOR THE RECORD, the following is THE TRUTH:

  1. The Cranky Product Manager is written by an INDIVIDUAL, with occasional guest posters and the help of a “Cranky Sales Engineer” friend.  All guest posts are clearly labeled.  The Cranky Product Manager is NOT the project of a commercial firm or product management organization.  The Cranky PM only WISHES she was actually paid to blog or had regular help to keep this schtick up.  (Hear that, Pragmatic /Sequent /ZigZag /Pivotal /Enthiosys /PDMA /280 Group /Rally /AIPMM /Blackbot – and yes, you, Aass University?   BUY ME!  The CPM will gladly entertain any reasonable offer. She is a capitalist, after all.)
  2. As is abundantly apparent to every reader EXCEPT The Jackass, the Cranky Product Manager’s author is a REAL product manager at and has been for <insert number between 5 and 15> years at <insert number greater than two> software vendors and online services.
  3. Regarding the story The Jackass claims “didn’t happen,” and thus cites as “proof” that the CPM is not a real product manager….well, SORRY, Jackass, but it DID happen. Not to the Cranky Product Manager personally, as is the case with 75% of the stories in this blog (seriously, the CPM would have a seriously sucky real-world life if all this crap really happened to one person), but to a <former/current> co-worker who is indeed a product manager.

The Jackass claims any PM would be fired if s/he called sales people to develop a product forecast.  OK… well, maybe if the product manager was enslaved at one of those dreary companies with which The Jackass is familiar, where the primary (sole?) function of the so-called Product Manager is ”keeper of the tick-list.”  The Cranky Product Manager can’t comment on that type of company because she has never — and would never – work at a place with such an profoundly limited view of the product management role; her jobs have always had more of a “Product Leader” (both tactical and strategic), “Voice of the Market,” and ”Buck Stops Here” emphasis.

But even at that dismal type of company, the PM would NOT be fired if the CEO ordered her to call individual sales reps to build a forecast.  Seriously, Jackass, did you even READ the post? 

The Cranky Product Manager has to say, she is really dismayed by The Jackass’s small-minded view of product management, especially given his own history in the PM trenches.  Thank Cheezus she never worked for or with him. Keeper of the Tick-list! GAH!  The CPM thought we left that  limited definition behind over 10 years ago. 

That The Jackass is out there proselytizing this outmoded view… well it makes the CPM sad. Very sad. Because he might be undoing the good work others (including the PM training firms that The Jackass disparages) have done educate senior executives and to show how the product management role can operate at its finest.  And, frankly, it’s an insult to PMs everywhere for him to present the 5% of the job that is the most boring and trivial as the whole picture of the product management profession. 

But, gentle readers, it might surprise you that the Cranky PM agrees with the Jackass on one main point:  if  the PM function reports into you, if you think product management’s main job is maintaining the tick-list, and if you simply cannot be convinced otherwise, well then the Cranky Product Manager URGES you to do what the Jackass recommends.  Automate away the PM role with some kind of feature voting tool. 

Why? Because the CPM does not want to WASTE HER TIME applying for your so-called “product management” job.  She’d rather focus her energy on companies that want someone to research customer problems, to be the voice of the MARKET (and not just current customers), to develop visions and road maps for the product’s future, to develop business cases and product strategies, to shepherd new products from concept to reality, and to properly position products and successfully launch them.  And she will then KICK YOUR PRODUCT’S ASS since you ignored all those activities, concentrating on “feature votes” from current customers instead of focusing on the MARKET problems and solutions that land the customers you don’t yet have, and thus providing the only real avenue for growth.

‘Nuff said.  Now excuse the Cranky Product Manager while she gets back to getting a fictional pedicure while sipping a fictional margarita on a fictional tropical beach.

(Oh, and thanks to Tom Grant for chivalrously defending the Cranky Product Manager’s honor.)

————-

Note 1: For those of you who suggest that the Cranky PM’s real world author establish her own independent social media presence…. well, she tried that.  Let’s just say it is the road to madness and to getting caught. If you are a highly distractible and semi-careless individual like the Cranky PM, you will — without a doubt — tweet/email/blog/update from the wrong account.  Trust her. She’s done it, a few times.  How the Cranky Product Manager’s true identity continues to remain a secret is a miracle.

{ 13 comments }

If a PR / Marcom Weenie Wrote This Blog

by The Cranky Product Manager on June 2, 2009

in Marketing

If a PR / Marcom Weenie Wrote This Blog, here’s what the About page would look like:

About The Cranky Product Manager

Founded in 2006, The Cranky Product Manager (aka CPM) is a leading provider of world-class, robust, scalable, and market leading content platform that helps product professionals unlock value and position themselves for success in the marketplace, while realizing a high return on investment. Built on a next-generation, Web 2.0-based and AJAX-enabled platform, the Cranky Product Manager takes a three-pronged approach to content delivery utilizing social media and has thousands of users at leading Fortune 500 companies, including Microsoft, Apple, Oracle, SAP, Google, Yahoo, and the US Government.

{ 14 comments }

New Cranky Mug Design

February 16, 2009

Hey!  Look!  It’s a new Cranky Product Manager mug! It declares to the world “I AM A CRANKY PRODUCT MANAGER.“ You should get yourself one.  It’s WICKED AWESOME. PM leaders, just think of it. Finally, the perfect present for your team of put-upon product managers–those hard-working, in-the-trenches professionals that get no love, no appreciation, no [...]

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