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Power Post: Quickie Observations on Life in the Software Industry

by The Cranky Product Manager on January 22, 2010

in The PM Profession

The Cranky Product Manager has been neglectful of this here blog, once again. Good thing she’s not being paid to do it or anything, or else she’d be so totally fired.

Anyway, to break through the Huge Writer’s Block that has been in her way for the last 7 weeks or so, the Cranky PM is taking on a Big Ass Writing Challenge! To write an entire blog post in a mere 5 minutes! She’s calling it — wait for it — POWER POSTING! (you can tell she’s in software marketing because she thinks her completely boring, uncreative title is totally wicked awesome).

So here we go. And just a warning, it probably won’t be funny because the Cranky PM ain’t no Chris Rock — she usually thinks of her jokes about an hour too late.

THINGS THE CRANKY PM HAS OBSERVED ABOUT THE SOFTWARE INDUSTRY

1. As annoying as those Sales Droids can be, they sure are fun to party with! And there’s nothing like having a conversation with someone who can actually, well, CONVERSE. Not to say your average developer can’t, but well, your average developer can’t. Unless it is about design patterns or Star Trek. And speaking of Star Trek, OMFG isn’t the new James T. Kirk, actor Chris Pine, just HOT? Yum.

2. Ever notice that at the Big All-Hands Company Meetings, that the Product Managers always ask WAY more than their share of the questions?

3. The Cranky PM has yet to meet a tech writer who can write a decent white paper. Didn’t these people ever try to convince their mothers to let them stay out late with the rest of those hard-partying High School Math-letes? (Or was that just the Cranky PM?) Is writing PERSUASIVELY really that hard?

4. Even though DysfunctoSoft is supposedly “Agile”, the Process Hawks still require about 2 man-weeks of documentation with N levels of sign offs, just to add a single check-box to a page in the UI.

5. If you’re a software company that actually ships working product to paying customers, don’t acquire a start-up whose founders are some professor and/or a collection of former grad students. They’ll never actually ship anything (they have no idea how to), and within one year all those brilliant minds you acquired will be out the door, looking for work at another academic-oriented outfit that never ships anything.

6. Marketing Weenies: please don’t post copies of press releases to the company “blog” and claim you’re doing “Social Media.”  Please.

OK, five minutes are up.  Later.

 

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The Enlightened Stupid Marketer (a marvelous video)

by The Cranky Product Manager on June 3, 2009

in Marketing

Thanks to Midlakewinter for the link to this very-funny-but-in-an-uncomfortable-kind-of-way video, entitled the Enlightened Stupid Marketer.

It’s especially uncomfortable if you play it for your marketing weenie husband… in response to his declaring that product functionality is irrelevant to product success.  And as a crabby-ass beeyotch and an extremely insecure individual, the Cranky Product Manager took this wrong-headed statement as a personal attack on her career choice.  So, she decided to poke him where it hurts, the extremely mature individual that she is.

WATCH THAT VIDEO, MARKETING WEENIE HUSBAND.  WATCH!

Enjoy!

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Return of the Product Management Haiku (now with extra fun)

April 23, 2009

Remember this?  The Product Management Haikus (originally inspired by Pivotal PM)?
The Cranky PM is inspired to once again dust off her quill pen and write some more poetry.  Poetry that no one but you folks would possibly understand.
If you are similarly inspired, post your own haiku in the comments!  If yours makes the Cranky Product [...]

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Guest Post: The Cranky Engineer Responds to a PRD

April 1, 2009

Today we have a super-duper-uber-fantastic guest post from the Cranky Engineer, aka DGentry of codingrelic.geekhold.com. Check out his blog.  It’s WICKED AWESOME.

Also, you might recall that DGenery was the BIG WINNER of the Cranky Product Manager’s caption contest for the “7 Types of Engineers.” He won a fancy pants coffee mug.  AND HE LOVES IT.  [...]

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One Funny Dude

February 24, 2009

If you follow the Cranky Product Manager on Twitter, you probably know that she adores onthefringe, a “VC-backed, start-up CEO, sharing day-to-day insights in the day-to-day life of a start-up.”  He(?)/she(?) often shares “advice” for product managers.
Funny stuff.
And NOT the Cranky Product Manager is included in this camp (given that she’s married and all that), [...]

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Video – You Chose Product Marketing, Deal With It!

February 18, 2009

One of the Crankerati (that’s what the CPM is now calling all you readers) sent this in, so the Cranky Product Manager might share it with you.  FREAKIN’ HILARIOUS STUFF. And still oh so true.
Enjoy.
Summary:
Back in the 1990s, some creative marketing people at Sun made this video. Though Sun is the setting, it is widely [...]

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Caption Contest Winners: 7 Types of Software Engineers

December 24, 2008

At long last, the Cranky Product Manager is posting the winning captions for the “7 Types of Software Engineers” cartoons!!!!
Whoo hoo.
Sorry about the delay.  It’s just a big frakin hassle to put captions on cartoons and create a Cafe Press store — all so the Cranky Product Manager can order some mugs with pictures of engineer [...]

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