Here are 10 things that make the Cranky Product Manager so frakin’ ANNOYED that she’s getting one of those bite plate things. You know, to keep her from grinding her teeth into small nubs while she sleeps. No doubt, the mouth plate will drive her husband WILD.
Here they are, listed in no particular order (and these are by no means the “top 10 of all time,” but are just for today):
- Endless arguments about the worth of product planning via a top-down process versus a bottom-up process.
- EVERYONE claiming they are strategic. Will NO ONE ever acknowledge that their job or abilities are primarily tactical?
- Insincere CEOs who ask the Cranky Product Manager about her Cranky Kid, but cut her off four words into her answer.
- Developers who think the Cranky Product Manager is some kind of user interface expert.
- Developers who ask for the ROI of each and every aspect of a feature. Example: What’s the ROI of the user being able to save his work? Honestly, how are you supposed to do this? And is it even worth it?
- Engineering managers who think that delivering 50% of a feature should result in 50% of the revenue. Usually, a half-baked feature is worse than no feature at all!
- CEOs who move entire release schedules by 6 months or more during quarterly earnings announcements.
- Product Marketing weenies who are too “visionary” and “big picture” to bother trying to use the product – even though it is targeted at business users (not tech people).
- Customers who demand you support operating systems and platforms so old that you can’t obtain them anymore.
- Maintaining the frakin’ Supported Platforms List. ARGH. Is anything more thankless or tedious?
What a jackass the Cranky Product Manager is. Before she knew that he would “violently” disagree with her (shame on him!), the Cranky Product manager promised Saeed of the excellent On Product Management blog that she would post about his blog’s nomination for an uber-prestigious Canadian Blog Award in the category Best Professional/Career Blog. But alas, the Cranky Product Manager did not act right away. She waited, thinking Thursday would be a good day for said post.
And so Thursday, today, arrives, and just as the CPM was revving up and writing a glorious call-to-action to help the On Product Management crew reap their just rewards, she discovers that “voting round 1″ is now over, and alas Saeed/Alan/Ethan did not advance to round 2.
F$&*. The Cranky Product Manager feels partially responsible for this utter travesty of justice. If only she got off her lazy ass and wrote a post earlier. Maybe it would have helped. What a turd she is.
Alas, the Cranky Product Manager flaked and broke her word. There’s no decent way to make up for this, but the CPM is going to try. Here goes….
If you haven’t checked out On Product Management do so now. Below are some of the Cranky Product Manager’s favorite posts, most of which give their unique take on the reality of Agile product development. Unlike most others writing on Agile, these guys don’t just drone on with the Agile party line. Instead they make though-provoking observations and arguments that you have not read anywhere else. Examples:
- Annoyed by newly Agile-ized developers who act like they invented the concept of getting customer feedback? Check out Is Product Management Agile?
- Why Agile/Scrum is not a panacea, and commentary on the ironic inflexibility of some agile proponents: Agile/Scrum Reality Check. (Was going to say “rigidity” instead of “inflexibility”, but kept snickering like Butt-head.)
- Agile/Scrum and Product Management – Parts 1, 2, 3, 3a, and 4. (whew! lots of reading, but worth it).
- Also, check out the hilarious Uninterruptible Power Supply Saga (don’t forget to read the comments): part 1, part 2, part 3, and part 4.
