The following cartoon has been shamelessly republished from Shreyas Doshi’s excellent “How to Get that Next PM Job” presentation to the Silicon Valley Product Management Association. Many years ago, during her first month at DysfunctoSoft, the Cranky Product Manager had this EXACT argument with the Engineering Manager for DysfunctoCrank:
by Shreyas Doshi
It was years ago, but to this day the Cranky PM does not understand how that a-hole could take so LITTLE PRIDE in his work that he would insist on shipping a product with the name misspelled.
At the time, the Cranky PM was shocked. But after years in the product management game, nothing surprises her anymore.
Rest assured, the Cranky PM won this battle. The product was NOT renamed DysfucktoCrunk.
A little link love for Shreyas Doshi, for making the Cranky Product Manager chuckle just a little bit, through the tears of frustration:
(OK, another 5 minute Power Post. An attempt to break through the procrastination and writer’s block that has been plaguing the author of this blog.)
The Cranky PM has recently become obsessed with the TV Show Hoarders. If you are unfamiliar, it is a reality show that profiles people who hoard stuff — tons of worthless artifacts and even unsanitary crap (literally crap! think rotten food! old diapers! full cat boxes!) — until the point that they are buried under 10′ mounds of germ-ridden garbage, their homes are rotting underneath the filth and about to be condemned, Child Protective Services is about to take their children away, and Animal Control is confiscating their pets.
It is super depressing.
Why the Cranky Product Manager watches, she does not know. She doesn’t exactly “like” the show. But it is kind of addictive.
She guesses some of the allure is that it makes the Cranky PM feel like she’s pretty damn organized and productive compared to these people. Isn’t that cruel, though? Taking comfort in the misery of others? Plus, really, what is the great achievement in keeping a nicer environment than people who have a bona fide mental illness? So, the fact that she watches this show should tell you, Gentle Readers, something not-so-nice about the Cranky PM’s lackluster character.
But ANYWAYS… Like EVERYTHING (pretty much), it reminded the Cranky Product Manager just a teensy bit of life at DysfunctoSoft.
(Watch with utter amazement, as the Cranky PM attempts to segue – like a crappy local newscaster – to a completely unrelated topic).
How? Because DysfunctoSoft has NEVER, EVER thrown out a feature, truly de-supported a platform, or dropped an obsolete product. No matter how decrepit, bug-ridden and just FOUL that hardly-used-but-now-completely-obsolete feature is. No matter how ridiculously costly it is to continue supporting that horrible Active X plug-in from 10 years ago. Who really cares if the thing integrates with Adobe Reader 4 anymore????
The product documentation is clogged up to the point of complete obscurity with all this crap. You can’t read it and understand what the product actually does! The price list is out of control and so freaking confusing because it has tons of space devoted to products and licensing options that no one ever uses (or if they do use them, let’s face it, they’re freaks). The automated test suite – which is supposed to run every 6 hours — now takes over 30 hours to run.
WHY? Because DysfunctoSoft is a HOARDER. Not all Software Companies are. But there are more than a few out there.
Just remember, if you refuse to pick up your stinkin’ house now and then – and clear out the dead products, obsolete and bug-ridden features, and unsanitary filth out of your product line – well, one day it will collapse under its own weight, with you inside.!
(well maybe not, but didn’t that sound dramatic)?
(OK, actually went 10 minutes on this one. So not quite a Power Post, but whatev….)
The Cranky Product Manager has been neglectful of this here blog, once again. Good thing she’s not being paid to do it or anything, or else she’d be so totally fired.
Anyway, to break through the Huge Writer’s Block that has been in her way for the last 7 weeks or so, the Cranky PM [...]
Today we have an excellent guest post from a professional ho-bag. No, not Lady Gaga, nor Paris Hilton, but an IT Industry Analyst! You know, one of those coin-operated Gardener / Forest Ranger types.
The Cranky PM feels positively DIRTY publishing this, but it is very excellently written, quite cranky, and pretty durn funny (O-holes! *snort*).
——————–
Here’s [...]
You “regular” people will probably never understand this, but it is TOUGH TOUGH TOUGH being a fictional product management celebrity. (Please, cry for me, Argentina.)
For one, the paparazzi never leave you alone.
Second, you never get any ”real-world” Web-2.0 cred – even at a time when everyone else is vomiting ”social media brand-building” all over their resumes. Well, guess [...]
You “regular” people will probably never understand this, but it is TOUGH TOUGH TOUGH being a fictional product management celebrity. (Please, cry for me, Argentina.)
For one, the paparazzi never leave you alone.
Second, you never get any ”real-world” Web-2.0 cred – even at a time when everyone else is vomiting ”social media brand-building” all over their resumes. Well, guess [...]
Remember this? The Product Management Haikus (originally inspired by Pivotal PM)?
The Cranky PM is inspired to once again dust off her quill pen and write some more poetry. Poetry that no one but you folks would possibly understand.
If you are similarly inspired, post your own haiku in the comments! If yours makes the Cranky Product [...]
OK, so the Cranky Product Manager has been a big lazy pants lately. No posts for over 10 days and then relying on guest posts for the past few weeks. What can she say? She’s drowning under a pile of work, dealing with her frakin’ taxes (which were WICKED complicated this year), and adjusting to [...]
Today we have a super-duper-uber-fantastic guest post from the Cranky Engineer, aka DGentry of codingrelic.geekhold.com. Check out his blog. It’s WICKED AWESOME.
Also, you might recall that DGenery was the BIG WINNER of the Cranky Product Manager’s caption contest for the “7 Types of Engineers.” He won a fancy pants coffee mug. AND HE LOVES IT. [...]
The Cranky PM loves Dilbert. Shocking, isn’t it?
As a gift to the Internets (and to anyone making a speech about product management), help the Cranky Product Manager create a list of links to Dilbert cartoons* that are funny to product management types.
Untack those comics from your cubicle wall, look at the dates, and find them [...]
read here
Also, while the Cranky Product Manager only recommends products and services that she truly likes, assume that she is receiving an affiliate commission for anything she recommends.
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