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Professional Services Engineer or Surly Gifted-and-Talented Teenager?

by The Cranky Product Manager on June 7, 2012

in Customer Support,Professional Services,The PM Profession

Professional Services Engineers and Senior Customer Support Engineers, the Cranky Product Manager loves you.  She truly does.  

You get in there and make our products truly work– sing even! –for our most important customers, many of whom have really bizarre requests.  

You are ingenius, a MacGyver for the new century.  You can work around any product deficiency with a wad of gum, a Perl script, and a laptop stuffed with SSDs.

You keep the Cranky PM informed about what the customers are experiencing and the problems they face, and keep the Cranky Product Manager apprised of the experience of using her product day-to-day.  

You are great. And the Cranky Product Manager could not be prouder of you.  

Except for one thing:  your attitude.  You remind the Cranky Product Manager of a surly teenager.  A “gifted and talented” teen, to be sure, but an adolescent with all the part and parcel attitude problems.  

Witness the Cranky Product Manager’s awesome chart:

  Surly Gifted-and-Talented Teenager

Professional Services Engineer
/ Sr. Customer Support Engineer
 
General Attitude Embittered and feeling put-upon by parents’ rules. Embittered and feeling hampered by all the product’s warts and failings.
Opinion of self

Convinced she is brilliant and her parents are biggest idiots ever, and that everyone else’s parents are cooler.

Convinced that Dysfunctosoft Engineering are biggest idiots ever, because Engineering requires months to add the product feature when he hacked up an absolutely brilliant work-around within a few weeks. 
Ability to Understand Not Everyone is Like Him/Her If her best friend thinks something is cool, then she does too. Even if any reasonable person can clearly see otherwise. Believes that if his customer needs this feature, then surely everyone does.  Even if it has no alignment with future product direction, obfuscates the user interface, or would take effort away from more critical areas.
Understanding of Broader World Remarkably naive about life outside her home/school, but thinks she knows all from watching a lot of reality TV. Knows nothing about writing production-worthy code that will work for hundreds of customers, not just one: scaling, internationalization, integration, standards, platform support, testability, user experience, error handling, APIs, etc.  Thinks he already solved 90% of the problem when he really only solved 10%.
Political Savvy If Mom says no, asks Dad. If Dad says no, ask Mom.  If both say no, involves the grandparents or teachers.

If Engineering says “no” to including the hacked-up workaround in official code-base, lobbies Product Management, Sales, and the CEO/GM.
Unreliable 

To gain a privilege, promises to do an unpleasant task like cleaning out the garage.

Then does not do it.  Parents nag her for weeks before finally giving up.

Under political pressure, Engineering caves and agrees to add the hack to the official product code base, but ONLY if the PS engineer makes the code thread-safe, uses standard libraries, etc.

Naturally, this never happens.  Count on the PS Engineer to get very busy on a customer crisis instead.

{ 26 comments }

Why Sales Bitches About Product Management & What to Do About It

by The Cranky Product Manager on January 26, 2012

in Sales,The PM Profession

You’ve heard that old chestnut. You’ve seen it in a million articles. The big advice Sales Droids offer to Product Managers is “Don’t just talk about features.  Tie the features to problems.”

And whenever the Cranky Product Manager sees Yet Another Article offering this advice, she thinks, “Doesn’t every product manager already know this stuff? Duh? How is the Cranky Product Manager going to create a blog post from this nugget of obvious non-wisdom?”

But then the Cranky Product Manager thought about it.  Then she had a nice glass of Chardonnay. Then more thinking. And then mentally watching the game film from all the customer presentations she’s ever given or watched another PM give, and from her years of observing SEs and SalesDroids interact with the customers.

And here’s what the CPM came up with.

When It’s Good (with a sex analogy on the side)

There are times when the SalesDroid-PM-Customer interaction is, well, orgasmic: everyone is in sync, everyone is providing what the others need at exactly the time they need it, and everyone leaves satisified and revved up to do it again.

It does happen sometimes. About as often as the Detroit Lions winning a game, but it does happen.

When It’s Bad (with yet another sex analogy)

But more often, it is a clumsy, inept dance, with everyone thinking he’s/she’s giving what the others need but completely missing the mark. Kind of like the Cranky Product Manager’s freshman year boyfriend. (oooh! badump dum.)

In these cases, the Cranky Product Manager will bet ONE MILLION DOLLARS that the product manager in question truly believes she is tying each feature to customer benefits, all while the SE/Account Rep thinks the PM is just blathering on and on about features.

The Disconnect

How can this happen?  Because there are several steps between  the “we added Warp Drive in release 2.0″  PM-ish statement and the “Warp Drive increases your revenues AND decreases your costs”  Sales-ish statement.

Using this example, the PM would probably say “We added Warp Drive in release 2.0.  That makes our rocket ships now go faster than the speed of light, which means space travel will take one bajillionith of the time it currently does”. And the PM often leaves it there, believing she successfully tied feature to customer benefit.

Meanwhile, the Droids think the PM left out the business benefit.  After all, she did not tie the warp drive feature to either “saving money” or “making more money” (the only two customer benefits some Droids can understand).

Thus the schism.

To most PMs, it is OBVIOUS that faster space travel means people will spend more time working instead traveling, and will thus become more efficient, saving money.  And that with Warp Drive we’ll be able to reach more of the galaxy and thereby increase the number of customers we can reach, increasing revenue.  blah, blah, blah.

In fact, it seems SO obvious that many PMs worry they’ll insult the customers’ intelligence or annoy them if the Product Manager explains how each and every feature ultimately saves money or increases revenue.

Truth is, the customers probably need a bit more hand-holding.  As Product Managers we are genetically engineered for our superior feature-X-yields-benefit-Y perception. We forget that not everyone thinks like that.

But on the OTHER hand, the SalesDroid who can only talk about “saving money” or “making more money,” (aka “lower TCO” and “increased ROI”), often seems like a huge dumbass to the customer. Trust the Cranky Product Manager on this, she once was a customer.

An Obvious Tactic That Often Works

So, for Product Managers, here’s a technique that sometimes works:

  1. Before demo-ing or presenting the roadmap or whatever, ask the customer about his/her problems and the benefits that he/she is seeking from your software.  
  2. NOTE THE EXACT WORDING THE CUSTOMER USES TO DESCRIBE THE SOUGHT-AFTER BENEFITS.  
  3. During your demo/presentation, tie the features back to the specific benefits the customer seeks, using EXACTLY the same wording.

Of course, this technique only works if you are able to talk to this customer one-on-one beforehand; it works less well if you are presenting to a huge crowd at a conference.  Also, this technique does not guarantee that the SalesDroid will be happy, only the customer.  After all, the SalesDroid might not understand the benefits the customer seeks – they might be too  ”low level” for a Droid to possibly comprehend.

This concludes the Cranky Product Manager’s “Obvious Lesson of the Day.”  

No doubt, huge swaths of PMs are out there saying “Isn’t this advice obvious?  Doesn’t every product manager already know this?”  Hopefully, most of you do.  But for those who don’t, or who occasionally forget, hopefully this advise is more specific and more actionable than that “Tie features to benefits” platitude.

{ 57 comments }

What Do Five-Year Olds and Product Managers Have In Common?

by The Cranky Product Manager on November 28, 2011

in The PM Profession

Seems like everyone in the Product Management blog-o-universe just loves to chat about where Product Management should report in the organization.  (Sorry, I don’t have time to provide the links right now,… maybe someone can provide some in the comments?)

Unsurprisingly, among us Product Management weenies of the world, the overwhelming consensus that Product Management should report directly to the CEO.  

Thing is, asking this question of product managers is a little like asking a five-year old if candy should be served with every meal instead of vegetables.  OF COURSE the five-year old will opt for candy instead of nutritious veggies.

OF COURSE, the head of Product Management will say that he/she should report to the CEO, because it’s cool to say you report to the CEO. By reporting to the CEO, a whole new world of wicked awesome job titles becomes available. Ones like “Executive VP of Product Management,” “Chief Product Officer,” and “Grand Master Poobah of Productulation and Productification.” Just think of how much more awesomer your business cards could be with that type of kick-ass title on it!  Your mother — and more importantly, your mother-in-LAW– would be so freakin’ impressed.

OF COURSE the in-the-trenches product manager will say that the Product Management function should report directly to the CEO. That elevates the perceived importance of Product Management in the organization, doesn’t it? It brings you one, or maybe even two, steps closer to the CEO, and you’re only a few heartbeats away from the throne after that! Maybe they’ll even ask you to take over the company if all the executives die in a tragic if a plane crash (hey, it could happen; last year, they all went to that executive retreat in Hawaii together)! World domination awaits.

OF COURSE the product management training firms and product management consultancies say that Product Management should report directly to the CEO, because that makes it easier to sell higher-priced engagements. They need even more money to stuff into their money chairs and money sofas, plus it’s fun to make money angels on the floor next to that huge pile of money. (!!!MONEY!!!) 

But will any of these self-interested parties acknowledge these reasons?  OF COURSE NOT.  Instead they will all put forth the argument that reporting directly to the CEO is indeed the Best Thing For The Company, and quite possibly for civilization at large.  They might even believe their own arguments.

But is it REALLY the best thing for Product Management to be so-elevated?

If it is indeed the best organizational structure, why do so few companies do it?

If it’s the best, where’s the proof that companies with elevated Product Management functions actually get better results?  To the contrary, one of the most successful companies in the industry – Apple – has a significantly DE-ELEVATED (that’s not the right word… is it deflated? depressed? ) Product Management function.

The Cranky Product Manager has said it once, she’ll say it again.  If you have _good_ product managers, who are savvy influencers and can set a true vision and roadmap for their products,  it does not matter one freakin’ bit where they reside in the organization.  Because they will get the job done no matter what.  They will make the necessary alliances and get people on board. no matter if they are within the same organization or not.

In fact, the Cranky Product Manager usually suspects that those who whine too much about Product Management’s place in the organization are likely not so great at their jobs.  Her five-year old child would agree.

{ 28 comments }

FINAL CHAPTER (part 6): World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview

by The Cranky Product Manager on December 21, 2010

in The PM Profession,Your Career

Quantum Whisper was kind enough to supply the Cranky PM with expensive lattes this month.  They are a wicked awesome company that links customer feedback to your backlog.  Crank-tastic!

———–

At LONG LAST, the World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview wraps up.

The Cranky Product Manager will just say that creating these videos is a lot more tedious than you might expect. Especially since she is a lousy speller and the xtranormal thing lacks spell check. She is really sick of those monotone voices! So this will be the VERY LAST CARTOON for a while.

(And if you received this post via email or your RSS reader and cannot see the embedded video/cartoon, view it here.)
 

Check it, Part 6, THE FINAL CHAPTER!

And if you haven’t seen the previous videos, find them here.

PARTS 1 &  2 - The interview dress code.  The first slew of generic questions.

PART 3 - Even more generic questions.  Round manholes, anyone?

PART 4 – Questions that require you be a much better PM than the hiring manager.

PART 5 – Do you have any questions for me?

PART 6 – The Final Chapter – What are the next steps?

( And don’t forget to buy your colleagues holiday gifts.  How ’bout some Cranky PM mugs? )

Also in The World's Most Generic PM Interview

  1. Cranky Cartoons: The Generic Product Management Interview (parts 1 & 2)
  2. CRANKY CARTOONS: THE GENERIC PRODUCT MANAGEMENT INTERVIEW (PART 3)
  3. Part 4: The World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
  4. Part 5: World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
  5. FINAL CHAPTER (part 6): World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
<< Previous in series |

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Part 5: World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview

by The Cranky Product Manager on December 20, 2010

in The PM Profession,Your Career

This hideously cranky post is sponsored by Quantum Whisper, a wicked awesome company that links customer feedback to your backlog.  Can you say OMFG!

———–

Ack, almost done.  At long last, our glum product management applicant gets to ask a question of his cranky interviewer.

(And if you received this post via email or your RSS reader and cannot see the embedded video/cartoon, view it here.)
 

Check it, Part 5:

And if you haven’t seen the previous videos, find them here.

PARTS 1 &  2 - The interview dress code.  The first slew of generic questions.

PART 3 - Even more generic questions.  Round manholes, anyone?

PART 4 – Questions that require you be a much better PM than the hiring manager.

( And don’t forget to buy your colleagues holiday gifts.  How ’bout some Cranky PM mugs? )

Also in The World's Most Generic PM Interview

  1. Cranky Cartoons: The Generic Product Management Interview (parts 1 & 2)
  2. CRANKY CARTOONS: THE GENERIC PRODUCT MANAGEMENT INTERVIEW (PART 3)
  3. Part 4: The World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
  4. Part 5: World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
  5. FINAL CHAPTER (part 6): World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
<< Previous in series | | Next in series >>

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Part 4: The World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview

by The Cranky Product Manager on December 17, 2010

in The PM Profession,Your Career

This crankylicious post is sponsored by Quantum Whisper, a wicked awesome company that supports agile product management. Check’em out!

———–

Oy, the Cranky Product Manager is out of steam on this video thing.   Just a few more parts of The World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview video.  Here you go.  (And if you received this post via email or your RSS reader and cannot see the embedded video/cartoon, click HERE

Part 4:

Parts 5 & 6 are almost done and will be posted shortly, before Christmas. Promise.

And if you haven’ t already seen parts one through three, here you go…

PARTS 1 &  2

PART 3

( And don’t forget to buy your colleagues some Cranky Product Manager Christmas mugs! www.cafepress.com/crankypm )

Also in The World's Most Generic PM Interview

  1. Cranky Cartoons: The Generic Product Management Interview (parts 1 & 2)
  2. CRANKY CARTOONS: THE GENERIC PRODUCT MANAGEMENT INTERVIEW (PART 3)
  3. Part 4: The World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
  4. Part 5: World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
  5. FINAL CHAPTER (part 6): World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
<< Previous in series | | Next in series >>

{ 12 comments }

Cranky Cartoons: The Generic Product Management Interview (parts 1 & 2)

by The Cranky Product Manager on November 15, 2010

in The PM Profession,Your Career

Watch (and groan at) the world’s most generic product management interview. 

Observe as the Cranky VP of Product Management interviews an exceedingly typical product manager for a thoroughly generic product management position.

Today, you get parts 1 & 2.  The Cranky Product Manager expects that there will be six parts by the time she finishes, so stay tuned for future posts.

The World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview

PART 1: Interview Dress Code

PART 2: The Questioning Begins

Also in The World's Most Generic PM Interview

  1. Cranky Cartoons: The Generic Product Management Interview (parts 1 & 2)
  2. CRANKY CARTOONS: THE GENERIC PRODUCT MANAGEMENT INTERVIEW (PART 3)
  3. Part 4: The World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
  4. Part 5: World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
  5. FINAL CHAPTER (part 6): World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
| Next in series >>

{ 48 comments }

From the Archives: That “All the Responsibility, None of the Authority” Saying

by The Cranky Product Manager on November 5, 2010

in Development,The PM Profession

One benefit from posting nearly 200 articles over the years is that republishing an old post gives the Cranky Product Manager the opportunity to laze about in her PJs and eat bon bons while watching the latest episode of Hoarders.  

Here’s an oldie (but hopefully a goodie), from November 2006.  (Interesting to see how the writing style has changed over time.  The crankiness, however, has not changed one bit.)

———————

“The most challenging thing about product management is that you have all the responsibility but none of the authority,” the job candidate said. Quite satisfied with his answer to the Cranky Product Manager’s stock interview question, the candidate flashed her a knowing, gleaming white smile. That was the signal. The Cranky Product Manager was supposed to epileptically shake her head in agreement and, at last, connect with the candidate.

No such luck. Instead, she rolled her eyes… Not the best manners for an interviewer, but seeing as the Cranky Product Manager is not exactly a, well, refined individual, she had no control over her clichéd response to his clichéd answer. The Cranky Product Manager already heard two other candidates spin the same old tired yarn that morning. In fact, she read a version of that I’m-a-powerless-product-manager-woe-is-me tale on at least one other blog that week.

But worse than trite, overused and unoriginal, this sentiment — universally shared by the world’s lamest and whiniest product managers, and even by some of the good ones — is way too self-congratulatory and is just plain wrong.

Yes, as a product manager, you are indeed responsible.  Your job is to corral and coordinate the hoards of Code Boys/Grrls, QA Drones, Marketing “Geniuses”, SalesDroids, Professional Services Slaves, support engineers, writers, finance weenies, and more — the entire cast of characters needed to successfully bring kick-ass products to market.

And, yes, as a product manager, it is true that you rarely have authority. No one (except maybe a few junior product managers) reports to you. You can’t fire people for not taking your orders.

Cartman has *All the Responsibility but None of the Authority* But here’s the thing… SO WHAT!?  So these people don’t report to you. So they don’t have to respect your au-thor-i-tah.  Big frakin’ DEAL! If they DID report to you, do you honestly think your job would be any easier?  Do you think they’d magically start listening to you and doing what you say?

Last time the Cranky Product Manager checked, high tech product folk, no matter what their job functions, were not minimum wage workers. As intellect workers, high tech-ians don’t do anything  just because their bosses command it.

Nope. Those damn independent thinkers need to be persuaded. They need to buy into the plan and then they act. Sure, sure, those folks might occasionally placate the powers-that-be by half-heartedly lying there, closing their eyes, and thinking of England. But that kind of soulless attempt to merely get the boss off, uh, your back… well, it’s usually worse than no attempt at all.

So, in this respect, those other “real” managers — and by “real” I mean managers who officially manage people — have just as tough a job as product managers. Probably tougher. People managers must ALSO corral and coordinate their people, and get them to do things that they wouldn’t normally consider if left to their own devices. Like product managers, they legitimately do so ONLY by persuading and inspiring. NOT by fear nor the unspoken threat of bad performance reviews or firings. NOT by flexing their so-called “authority.”

In fact, as someone experienced in both people and product management, let the Cranky Product Manager assure you that the only effective difference between a manager with “authority” and a manager without is that with authority comes a lot of tedious crap: paperwork galore, performance reviews ad nauseam, mind-numbing sexual harassment seminars, and — most dishearteningly — the occasional hell of laying off a subordinate who does a great job .

So, whiney product managers of the world, STOP bitching about “all the responsibility with none of the authority” right now. Get out of your minimum-wage-oriented headset and recognize that official authority is irrelevant to anyone in high tech companies. Instead consider, even if briefly, that your difficulty in getting others to follow your lead might be because your arguments are not compelling.

Or maybe, just maybe, they don’t listen because they know you think of them as minions who are motivated by fear.

In other words, maybe you’re a jerk.

{ 14 comments }

How to Be a Jackass Product Manager in Nine Easy Steps

October 27, 2010

1. Don’t visit customers. If customers want to talk to you, ask that instead they put their list of enhancement requests in an email or a spreadsheet. Take said list and cut/paste it into Bugzilla. Don’t bother to find out WHY the customer wants any of this stuff.  If the Execs pressure you to do [...]

Read the full article →

B-School and the Missing Product

August 17, 2010

The Cranky Product Manager was just thinking back — oh so nostalgically — on her MBA years. Ah yes, what a joy it was to devote herself full-time to the study of BUSINESS…. so different than her undergrad years as an Engineering major at a random institute of technology. No more studying seven days and [...]

Read the full article →

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