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FINAL CHAPTER (part 6): World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview

by The Cranky Product Manager on December 21, 2010

in The PM Profession,Your Career

Quantum Whisper was kind enough to supply the Cranky PM with expensive lattes this month.  They are a wicked awesome company that links customer feedback to your backlog.  Crank-tastic!

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At LONG LAST, the World's Most Generic Product Management Interview wraps up.

The Cranky Product Manager will just say that creating these videos is a lot more tedious than you might expect. Especially since she is a lousy speller and the xtranormal thing lacks spell check. She is really sick of those monotone voices! So this will be the VERY LAST CARTOON for a while.

(And if you received this post via email or your RSS reader and cannot see the embedded video/cartoon, view it here.)
 

Check it, Part 6, THE FINAL CHAPTER!

And if you haven't seen the previous videos, find them here.

PARTS 1 &  2 - The interview dress code.  The first slew of generic questions.

PART 3 - Even more generic questions.  Round manholes, anyone?

PART 4 - Questions that require you be a much better PM than the hiring manager.

PART 5 - Do you have any questions for me?

PART 6 - The Final Chapter - What are the next steps?

( And don't forget to buy your colleagues holiday gifts.  How 'bout some Cranky PM mugs? )

Also in The World's Most Generic PM Interview

  1. Cranky Cartoons: The Generic Product Management Interview (parts 1 & 2)
  2. CRANKY CARTOONS: THE GENERIC PRODUCT MANAGEMENT INTERVIEW (PART 3)
  3. Part 4: The World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
  4. Part 5: World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
  5. FINAL CHAPTER (part 6): World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
<< Previous in series |

{ 18 comments }

Part 5: World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview

by The Cranky Product Manager on December 20, 2010

in The PM Profession,Your Career

This hideously cranky post is sponsored by Quantum Whisper, a wicked awesome company that links customer feedback to your backlog.  Can you say OMFG!

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Ack, almost done.  At long last, our glum product management applicant gets to ask a question of his cranky interviewer.

(And if you received this post via email or your RSS reader and cannot see the embedded video/cartoon, view it here.)
 

Check it, Part 5:

And if you haven't seen the previous videos, find them here.

PARTS 1 &  2 - The interview dress code.  The first slew of generic questions.

PART 3 - Even more generic questions.  Round manholes, anyone?

PART 4 - Questions that require you be a much better PM than the hiring manager.

( And don't forget to buy your colleagues holiday gifts.  How 'bout some Cranky PM mugs? )

Also in The World's Most Generic PM Interview

  1. Cranky Cartoons: The Generic Product Management Interview (parts 1 & 2)
  2. CRANKY CARTOONS: THE GENERIC PRODUCT MANAGEMENT INTERVIEW (PART 3)
  3. Part 4: The World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
  4. Part 5: World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
  5. FINAL CHAPTER (part 6): World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
<< Previous in series | | Next in series >>

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Part 4: The World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview

by The Cranky Product Manager on December 17, 2010

in The PM Profession,Your Career

This crankylicious post is sponsored by Quantum Whisper, a wicked awesome company that supports agile product management. Check'em out!

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Oy, the Cranky Product Manager is out of steam on this video thing.   Just a few more parts of The World's Most Generic Product Management Interview video.  Here you go.  (And if you received this post via email or your RSS reader and cannot see the embedded video/cartoon, click HERE

Part 4:

Parts 5 & 6 are almost done and will be posted shortly, before Christmas. Promise.

And if you haven' t already seen parts one through three, here you go...

PARTS 1 &  2

PART 3

( And don't forget to buy your colleagues some Cranky Product Manager Christmas mugs! www.cafepress.com/crankypm )

Also in The World's Most Generic PM Interview

  1. Cranky Cartoons: The Generic Product Management Interview (parts 1 & 2)
  2. CRANKY CARTOONS: THE GENERIC PRODUCT MANAGEMENT INTERVIEW (PART 3)
  3. Part 4: The World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
  4. Part 5: World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
  5. FINAL CHAPTER (part 6): World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
<< Previous in series | | Next in series >>

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Cranky Cartoons: The Generic Product Management Interview (parts 1 & 2)

by The Cranky Product Manager on November 15, 2010

in The PM Profession,Your Career

Watch (and groan at) the world's most generic product management interview. 

Observe as the Cranky VP of Product Management interviews an exceedingly typical product manager for a thoroughly generic product management position.

Today, you get parts 1 & 2.  The Cranky Product Manager expects that there will be six parts by the time she finishes, so stay tuned for future posts.

The World's Most Generic Product Management Interview

PART 1: Interview Dress Code

PART 2: The Questioning Begins

Also in The World's Most Generic PM Interview

  1. Cranky Cartoons: The Generic Product Management Interview (parts 1 & 2)
  2. CRANKY CARTOONS: THE GENERIC PRODUCT MANAGEMENT INTERVIEW (PART 3)
  3. Part 4: The World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
  4. Part 5: World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
  5. FINAL CHAPTER (part 6): World’s Most Generic Product Management Interview
| Next in series >>

{ 47 comments }

How to Be a Jackass Product Manager in Nine Easy Steps

by The Cranky Product Manager on October 27, 2010

in The PM Profession

1. Don't visit customers. If customers want to talk to you, ask that instead they put their list of enhancement requests in an email or a spreadsheet. Take said list and cut/paste it into Bugzilla. Don't bother to find out WHY the customer wants any of this stuff.  If the Execs pressure you to do talk to more customer to validate your plans, send  out a 300 question survey. If no customers responds, it must means s/he agrees with everything you plan.

2. Don't learn how to use your product, 'cuz you're too consumed with being a blathering "visionary" (although a visionary who never defines and articulates a true product vision) to be concerned with such details. Plus you're far too elegant a gentleman/lady to eat your own dog food. Disgusting!

3. Become an email router.  Insist that the field write you emails (no phone calls!) whenever they have technical  product questions.  Forward those emails directly to selected CodeBoyz/Grrlz.  When they answer, forward the email directly to the original asker.  

But BE CAREFUL. For this to work correctly, you MUST insist that the Droids NEVER EVER contact CodeBoyz/Grrlz directly, and vice versa.  YOU must always be the intermediary, even though you're just an email router.  Take care NOT to add any value to the exchange, such as translating detailed techno-blah-blah speak into Droid-friendly English.

ADVANCED MOVE: Remove the email headers and other indentifying info prior to forwarding emails, so that the Droids can't wise up and contact Development directly. This move makes it look like YOU were the one who actually answered the questions! Congrats!  Also, make sure you don't send all your questions to the same CodeBoy/Grrl, or soon he/she will be on to your little scheme.

4. Overengineer a small part of your job and do it to the hilt, ignoring every thing else. For example, spend at LEAST 150 hours developing product training for Sales.  And then schedule at least NINE different 2-hour time slots to give the training, so that each Droid can pick and choose his/her favorite time slot from the nine. This will make training completely occupy your time for almost 2 months, giving you an excuse for never getting around to your product strategy.  And -- best of all -- you get to bitch n' moan about being SO overworked!

5. Decide what features are in and out of a release based on one overly simplistic measure, like the number of customers requesting X in the bug tracking system. Don't worry about whether the request is actually an implementation-level detail and a kludge at that. Don't worry about whether your product is actually solving the usnderlying problems that the customer has.  Don't worry about whether the feature has broad applicability to your target markets.  Because that would require you actually know what your target markets are, and you're too busy being a Jackass Product Manager to find that out, right?

6. Whenever you are forced to get customer feedback, call that one geeky customer who thinks _everything_ your company shits out is a gold nugget, because his resume is so wrapped around your company's technology that he would have serious career problems if you changed course.  He's so TOTALLY representative of your customer base, as well as your future target markets, right?  And thus he is a wicked awesome source of unvarnished feedback, validation, and advice.

7. Get into a swinging dick contest with a technology analyst.  Get out the rulers and start measuring. Cheat, if you must, to make sure yours appears bigger. Talk down to the analyst and disagree with everything he/she says.  Because those Gardeners and Forest Rangers just LOVE it when you downplay their expertise.  They are such an ego-free bunch that they'll actually appreciate your product EVEN MORE if you call them idiots to their faces.

8. Go around saying stuff like "explain this technical concept to me as if I were a 5-year old."  'Cuz that's the way to get the respect of Development.  They don't mind _at all_ if the person laying out the future direction for their _child_ (aka their product)  seems to have the mental capacity of Paris Hilton.

9. Be a complete A-hole to your fellow product managers.  Monopolize team meetings with your concerns.  Don't let anyone else speak.  Pontificate at length - have fun with it! Undermine the broader product line vision in order to elevate your product at the expense of the others. Blame as much stuff as you can on the other PMs. Undermine their credibility in front of development, and later in front of marketing and sales.  They'll respect you for it. Really. But watch out if one of them becomes your boss one day.

{ 84 comments }

No Excuses Product Management (Part 3): I Have No Market Data

by The Cranky Product Manager on August 12, 2010

in Marketing,The PM Profession

Please excuse the Cranky Product Manager with a long overdue post, to continue her "No Excuses Product Management" series.

=============

LAME-ASS PRODUCT MANAGEMENT EXCUSE #3: "I have no market data.  I don't know the market size (or market share, competitor share, market growth, competitor features, or other relevant facts about the market) because there is no budget for market research."

This excuse demonstrates a defeatist, passive, victim-ish attitude that the the Cranky PM always finds shocking in a product manager. Product Managers should have the OPPOSITE attitude.

When tripe like this is trotted out as a justification for not knowing basic market facts, well, The Cranky Product Manager's Official Excuse-to-English Translator yields: "I don't know how to use the Google. I'm not resourceful. I don't know how to use SurveyMonkey or LinkedIn or email. I am uncomfortable with ambiguity. I have no idea how to make estimates (even though my two-year old learned how to do it from last week's Sesame Street). I'm lazy. I expect someone else to do my job for me. I have no business judgment. I have no tolerance for risk. I don't know how to dial the phone. I don't care enough to put in the effort. I am, and always will be, merely a requirements monkey."

The Cranky Product Manager sometimes hears this Lame Ass Excuse from former Proctor & Gamble-ish people who've given up the ivory tower life and are now "slumming it" in tech product management.

Sure, at P&G, the Market Research Fairy leaves conjoint analyses and detailed survey results under Brand Managers' pillows (along with a few much-needed breath mints) a few times a week, and there is nary a question about the product or brand that is too minor (or too expensive) for P&G to research.  But you ain't at P&G, are you?

Freshly-minted MBAs are also prone to trotted out this line of bull. Yes, we know your B-school professor told you that one-on-one interviews are no substitute for focus groups. And that focus groups are no substitute for surveys. And that if you're going to do a survey, you better do it right with a sample size of at least n-hundred, a sample group that is exactly demographically representative of your target, and perfectly designed questions that have been psychographically proven to be 100% free of any trace of bias.  And this is why the Cranky PM loves hiring spankin' new MBAs so much (for all you native Californians, we call this statement SARCASM).

Argh.  Here's a NEWS BULLETIN for all you Rapunzels in CPG (Consumer Packaged Goods) and all you shiny happy MBA grads: That ain't life in tech,and probably never will be.  It ain't life in any B2B industry, really.

In the world of tech, marketers don't rule the roost, but instead technologists and former Sales Droids rule supreme.  In general (and yes, the Cranky PM realizes there are some exceptions), if a tech company has an extra $400K lying around (right!), it'll probably hire a few more CodeBoys/Gurls or Droids, rather than ordering up a wicked huge market research study. 

You might think this tendency is dumb, dumb, dumb.  You might argue that without proper market research that your company will attack the wrong customer problems and will ultimately fail.  And you might be right.  No doubt, we could ALL use more "real" market research, especially about customer problems and whatnot. 

But guess what.  It ain't gonna happen. This is tech, remember. Sure, you might get to do a bit of "real" market research now and then.  But it won't be every year, and it will only cover a tiny fraction of the questions you need answered.  (After all, it's a bit tougher to do a conjoint analysis on all the features of a CRM system than it is for a bag of flour. And since CPG companies spend big bucks to analyze flour, your dream conjoint study would probably cost a pretty penny - possibly more than your product's revenue.)

So deal with it.  

Sure, continue to beg for that market research budget.  But in the extremely likely event you do not get it, do your own market research.  

Conduct your own customer interviews.  Use LinkedIn to find non-customers in your target market to interview.  Create you own surveys with SurveyMonkey, even though the questions will be imperfect and the respondents will undoubtedly be unrepresentative.  For market size estimates, create a model with high and low estimates, and fill in with data from as many distinct third party resources as you can find. Go at it top-down and then bottom-up - the answer is in the middle. Make adjustments based on reasonable assumptions. Be ingenious. Read everything you can. Talk to everyone who will talk to you.

Trust the Cranky Product Manager, you will learn something very important in this process.  Something you wouldn't know if you just trotted out the Lame Excuse and punted on the research.  Something neither you, nor any of the CodeBoyz/Gurls, would have ever guessed.  

The endless quest for perfect research and perfect clarity is the enemy of the Product Manager.

As is the refusal to do any research because it would not be perfect enough to satisfy your Market Research Professor.

Taking action, based on reasonable though imperfect data, is the Product Manager's friend.  80/20, baby.  80/20.

NO EXCUSES Product Management.  Try it, you might like it.

{ 34 comments }

No Excuses Product Management (Part 2)- Stop Whining About Training

by The Cranky Product Manager on June 1, 2010

in The PM Profession,Your Career

In this post, The Cranky Product Manager continues her vendetta against all those sniveling product managers who trot out pathetic excuses for NOT DOING THEIR FREAKIN’ JOBS.

This is Part 2 of here NO EXCUSES PRODUCT MANAGEMENT series.  Enjoy Part 1 here.  There will be at least parts 3 and 4 (and who knows, maybe there will be more).

LAME-ASS PRODUCT MANAGEMENT EXCUSE #2: "I never received training on how to do that."

Ah, young product manager, do you think you are in Sales or Customer Support or something? Training? For Product Managers? Surely, you must be drunk. Part of your job is to CREATE and GIVE training to everyone else at the company, and yet you somehow have the temerity to expect to get some for yourself?

OK, seriously. The Cranky Product Manager sympathizes, but just a little.  After all, she never had an ounce of employer-sponsored PM training bestowed upon her until, well, never. (On second thought, the Cranky Product Manager has absolutely no sympathy for you at all.)

Your passive "sit-back-and-train-me" attitude, especially when used as a responsibility dodge, makes the Cranky Product Manager want to slap you fire you.  WTF?!? You’re a product manager for Dog’s sake!  Your CORE INSTINCT is supposed to be identifying what’s needed and where the gaps are, and then figuring out a way — if necessary, a CREATIVE way — to eliminate the gaps.

So if your PM skills are lacking, then figure out WHAT training you need and WHY (see Note 1). Then make the business case to your boss – just as you would for building a new product or a new feature!

And if your boss says "no budget", well, show some initiative and EDUCATE YOURSELF. Go to Product Camps. Read blogs and articles. Ask questions of people and LinkedIn. Watch online webinars or some of the free online courses. Join a local product management association that hosts monthly speakers. Read some books. NO EXCUSES! All this stuff is FREE or a complete bargain.

(Yes, the Cranky Product Manager realizes that she should not be yelling at you, an Esteemed Member of the Crankerati.  The fact that you are even reading this post means that you probably read other more educational PM blogs and have taken charge of your own professional development.  Please forgive the Cranky PM for lashing out.)

To wrap up, let’s address a potential hole in the Cranky Product Manager’s logic that you may have spotted: namely, her argument that if you lack Product Management skills, well you should use your Product Management skills to get some training or  train yourself.  Seems a bit circular, but only if you believe that determination, taking initiative, and resourcefulness are "skills" that can be taught in a training class. Au contraire, the Cranky Product Manager believes these are personality traits that can’t be taught to a fully formed adult without psychotherapy or a religious experience.

Now, repeat after me:  NO EXCUSES!

NOTE 1:  If you don’t know where to get training, check the comments on this post.  The Cranky Product Manager expects that many of the product management training vendors will post something.  

But vendors, listen up!  Don’t abuse the Cranky Product Manager’s comment section, or she’ll delete your ass.  

First, your training company may post exactly ONE "pitch" comment, with exactly ONE link.  

Second, if the comments section (or the Cranky PM’s email/Twitter accounts) turns into a bad-mouthing or whining fest, akin to the local junior high school scene, the Cranky Product Manager will shut the whole thing down. Promise.


Also in No Excuses Product Management

  1. No Excuses Product Management (Part 1)
  2. No Excuses Product Management (Part 2)- Stop Whining About Training
<< Previous in series |

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No Excuses Product Management (Part 1)

by The Cranky Product Manager on May 28, 2010

in Development,The PM Profession

As the Esteemed Crankerati already know, the Cranky Product Manager has been creeping around the software product management universe for quite some time.  Long enough that perhaps she should replace her blog's masthead photo with a less youthful and more saggy derriere.

In that extended time, the Cranky Product Manager has encountered LOTS of product managers.  Hundreds. And thus she's heard about every lame product management excuse that ever existed.

So she's here to ask -- no, BEG -- PLEASE, STOP IT!  Please stop making EXCUSES for not doing your freakin' job.

If you can't do the Product Management job, if you don't have what it takes, if you don't have the passion and the drive, if you don't have the scrappiness to figure out how to Get Shit Done (TM), well, PLEASE leave the profession. The Cranky Product Manager begs you. 

In this economy, there are plenty of GOOD, resourceful, and influential product managers who will gladly step up and take your place. The world will be better for it.  No doubt you will be happier too.

(Note that the Cranky Product Manager knows that you, as a wicked awesome and elite reader of this blog, would NEVER be so lame. But if you could please inform all the other PMs out there, she would be grateful).

So, let's list some of the most common Product Management Complaints, and the Cranky Product Manager will explain why each is a freakin' cop-out. 

And SURE,some of these cop-outs have some validity. Some organizations are truly screwed up (trust the Cranky Product Manager, she KNOWS), and some people are real dysfunctionals.  But just as you should NEVER call your former boss an idiot in a job interview because it makes YOU look bad -- not your former boss -- don't say these things either.  Especially in the Cranky Product Manager's presence, and you never know, she might be your boss or your co-worker.  So STFU.  And Suck it Up, Buttercup.

EXCUSE #1: "The developers just do whatever they want because Product Management has no authority over Development."

Barf. And So WHAT.  Probably only 1% of product managers in the world have ever had official authority over Development.  Yet, somehow, every single day, product managers the world over manage to convince developers to take their direction.  It's called leadership. You do it by respecting people, gaining their respect back, and convincing them that your vision of the future is a compelling one.

And sorry to tell you, even if you had the power to fire every last developer tomorrow, well they still wouldn't do what you wanted unless they bought into your vision. People with brains are like that. (OK, to keep their jobs, maybe they'd do 10% of what you want.  But that's it.  They'd claim the rest was "technically impossible.")

If you want to whine that "all the responsibility and no authority" blahblah yet AGAIN, instead why not put a neon sign above your head that proclaims "I am a bottom 20% product manager, with no ability to lead or influence" instead?  It would be less annoying to the rest of us.

NO EXCUSES!

SHAMELESS PLUG! Buy a "No Excuses Product Management" mug or t-shirt!

(This post is getting way too long, so it's been broken into 4 parts.  Tune in NEXT WEEK for Lame Ass Excuses #2 ("I didn't get training").  Plus at least two more.

Also in No Excuses Product Management

  1. No Excuses Product Management (Part 1)
  2. No Excuses Product Management (Part 2)- Stop Whining About Training
| Next in series >>

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Parenting and Product Management

April 19, 2010

The Cranky Product Manager was just reading Rich Mironov’s The Art of Product Management.  Good reads.  Easy, breezy.  Informative yet FUN essays about product management.  Kind of like this blog. Except it is better written. And not cranky. And optimistic and hopeful.  And more educational. And by someone who knows a lot more about Product [...]

Read the full article →

The Cranky PM on “Been There, Done That”

March 5, 2010

The following cartoon has been shamelessly republished from Shreyas Doshi’s excellent “How to Get that Next PM Job” presentation to the Silicon Valley Product Management Association.  Many years ago, during her first month at DysfunctoSoft, the Cranky Product Manager had this EXACT argument with the Engineering Manager for DysfunctoCrank: It was years ago, but to [...]

Read the full article →

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