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seven types of engineers

Caption Contest: The Clockwork Mouse (The Seven Types of Software Engineers)

by The Cranky Product Manager on October 29, 2008

in The 7 Types of Engineers

Reader Eric submitted this addendum to the original “The 6 Types of Software Engineer.” The Cranky Product Manager liked it so much, she changed the name of the series to “7 Types of Software Engineers.”

Submit captions for this cartoon of “The Clockwork Mouse” in this post’s comments. And don’t forget to submit captions for the other Software Engineer Types as well…

The Clockwork Mouse

Unlike the other types of software engineers, the Clockwork mouse is most often female. The Mouse works consistently, quietly, and diligently on any project, sub-project, or tiny little feature that is given to her. She is the perfect engineer for that boring file conversion job.

Distinguishing Characteristics

  • Rarely leaves the safe haven of the cube. Must be forced to join meetings.
  • People often ask how long the Clockwork Mouse has worked there when she is spotted (briefly) outside the confines of her cube. Very often, the Mouse has been with the company longer than the person asking.
  • Often talks with a very meek voice and is unwilling to contradict anybody, even when she clearly knows the right answer.
  • Nobody knows what this engineer does with her personal time.
  • Will consistently finish projects on time, but in the most bland manner as possible.
  • Her sense of interface design is non-existent. The interface will either be horribly complex and confusing or so primitive that it will make you wonder if if a C: prompt would be better.
  • She often codes something completely different from the specs because she is too afraid to ask questions.

Project Pitfalls
You may not know this engineer is actually on your project.

Achilles Heal
Any type of social interaction will cause so much stress that the Clockwork Mouse might blow a spring.

Best Bet
Assign non-interface related projects that are intricate, yet boring. The mouse will thrive in this environment. QA is another good bet.

Also in 7 Types of Engineers

  1. Caption Contest! (7 Types of Engineers)
  2. Caption Contest: The Veteran (The Seven Types of Software Engineers)
  3. Caption Contest: The Hotshot (The Seven Types of Software Engineers)
  4. Caption Contest: The Great One (The Seven Types of Software Engineers)
  5. Caption Contest: The Teflon-gineer (The Seven Types of Software Engineers)
  6. Caption Contest: Offshore (The Seven Types of Software Engineers)
  7. Caption Contest: The Maverick (The Seven Types of Software Engineers)
  8. Caption Contest: The Clockwork Mouse (The Seven Types of Software Engineers)
<< Previous in series |

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Caption Contest: The Teflon-gineer (The Seven Types of Software Engineers)

by The Cranky Product Manager on October 29, 2008

in The 7 Types of Engineers

Submit captions for this cartoon of “The Teflong-gineer” in this post’s comments.  And don’t forget to submit captions for the other Software Engineer Types as well…

The Teflon-gineer

The Teflon-gineer will do anything to reduce his work. If you’ve asked for a sports car, this engineer will try his/her damnedest to meet your requirements with a Model T Ford. Deflects all bug assignments with his/her Teflon Work Deflector (in size ‘J’ for Jerk).

Distinguishing Characteristics:

  • Says things like, “Are you sure the users really want that?” and “Is XYZ functionality really that important? How many users did you talk to? Can I see your notes?“
  • Reassigns his bugs back to you with updates like, “Please provide more clarity“, even when you’ve already referenced the spec page and section which spells out the original requirements with blinding clarity. When you reassign the bug back to him, you get his Out Of Office response.
  • Attempts to lock you into a legal contract specifying everything down to the last minimalist kilobyte of code that will be written.
  • During spec reviews or Scrum, says things like “Oh, you want the page to validate the user’s password entry? Well that will cost you an extra 2 days of work…plus another day if you want that alpha tested.“
  • Attempts to break your will to live with never-ending requests for excruciatingly documented detail to the point where it would be faster to code it yourself (inclusive of the time it would take you to learn Python).
  • When he delivers, his code is solidly mediocre. He never surprises, never innovates, and never has ideas.
  • Even his peers think he’s kind of a jerk.
  • Likes to watch When Animals Attack.

Project Pitfalls:
Serving your sentence for justifiable homicide will impede the project schedule.

Do you need this engineer?
Did you need your sibling to hold his finger one inch from your nose and say “I’m not touching you. I’m not touching you. I’m not touching you…“4

Achilles Heel:
His manager thinks he’s a jerk, too.

Best Bet:
Get this engineer off your project. Confront him/her, document as much of this crap as you can, then confront his manager. No good can come of this.

Also in 7 Types of Engineers

  1. Caption Contest! (7 Types of Engineers)
  2. Caption Contest: The Veteran (The Seven Types of Software Engineers)
  3. Caption Contest: The Hotshot (The Seven Types of Software Engineers)
  4. Caption Contest: The Great One (The Seven Types of Software Engineers)
  5. Caption Contest: The Teflon-gineer (The Seven Types of Software Engineers)
  6. Caption Contest: Offshore (The Seven Types of Software Engineers)
  7. Caption Contest: The Maverick (The Seven Types of Software Engineers)
  8. Caption Contest: The Clockwork Mouse (The Seven Types of Software Engineers)
<< Previous in series | | Next in series >>

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